Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Weekend Monkey's 'The Real Banana'..Live At The RNC Convention
Hidey ho, primates! Weekend Monkey's back and you've got him. I'll be giving you exclusive election coverage in my column until the big day, the real poop, the real banana. Including my exclusive interviews, behind the scenes convention coverage and of course, my handicapping of the winners.
Just to get this out of the way, I will not respond to questions concerning my absence from Joshuapundit. Let's just say I had some health issues to deal with. All better now.
Anyway, I'm here at the ReThug fest in Tampa. It's looks like the show is gonna go on after all as the ReThugs give Romney the Robot his coronation.
What a choice, eh? Romney the Robot or President 'Not now, I'm lining up a putt and besides it's not my fault anyway'! One of them will be your leader, primates. In spite of what anyone says, including the shills over at InTrade, I still see it as dead even.
Personally, I was hoping for a catfight between Hillery and Sarah Palin, just for the entertainment value, but I wouldn't have put any shekels on it actually happening.
The weather here in Tampa is like it always is in Florida this time of year..steamy hot, muggy and rainy, with cockroaches the size of SmartCars running around underfoot. What genius decided to hold a convention here in late August?? Yecch!
Anyway, my credentials are in order,my ticket's in my hand and I look forward to smelling the unbelievable stench of a bunch of Republicans cooped indoors at the Convention Center. And I'll be reporting on every bit of it.
There are protesters around, but the weather pretty much cut down on their numbers. I don't see any of the old anarcho- faces I saw in Denver back in '08, but then I'd be surprised if I did. Mindless protest and destruction is one thing when you're at a certain place in life, but it's not exactly a career destination. And remember, I'm not talking so much about aging Code Pink commies or the majority of OWS nerds living in mom's basement, but the real hard rockers, the ones who like smashing up things just because. I don't see too many of those here yet, but we'll see.
The convention itself will be Romney's coronation, and it'll be interesting to see what he does with it. Lardass from Joisey will be doing the keynote address if they can manage to get the crane working so they can lift him onstage, and his Sopranos style discourse ought to be fun if nothing else.
Ann Robot is supposed to give a speech about the pleasures of being Mrs. Robot, there will be a long list of governors putting in a few good words and some Mormons trying to explain to people how those guys riding around on the bicycles and knocking on people's doors at odd hours aren't up to anything evil, like casing the joint to see if anyone's home before breaking in. And on Thursday it's Marco Rubio and supposedly a surprise guest penciled in before Mitt takes the stage.
I doubt it will be Sarah Palin...the idea is to make Romney the Robot look animated, not deadski. And it ain't gonna be Bobby Jindall doing his creepy Peter Lorre imitation. Maybe some military guy. It won't be Petraeus, because he's still active duty even if he is running the CIA.
Dick Cheney, the Dark Lord has already said he's not coming, but I wouldn't rule out the thought of him giving one of his standard speeches, howling a war cry, firing a round or two in the air and then catching them in his teeth. Much as I disagree with his politics, Cheney has a certain rock star aura and style you gotta love, and he drives the Rethug primates crazier than a bunch of chimps at a banana festival, I tell ya.
Maybe somebody off the wall, like Jenna Jameson. Now that would be must see TV, hee hee hee!
Anyway, I'm off to find a bite to eat and a cold martini...uh, a soft drink, a soft drink! Sigh...##%!!%!
I'll be posting later.
Weekend Monkey was a Democratic candidate for president in 2008 and is JoshuaPundit's political Guru. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org