Now, here's an exciting new feature for Joshua's Army members...a weekly rundown of the news, featuring me and my close personal friend, Democrat presidential candidate Weekend Monkey!
FF: Hi Monkey...you're in South Carolina today?
WM: Yeah, doing a fundraiser in Columbia with the local PETA chapter.
FF: I knew you could get those people on board, Monkey..good work. I notice that you were, uh...not invited to last night's Democratic debate at Howard University...
WM: @#$@!!!
FF: Umm, from that I take it you're not pleased.
WM: They're a bunch of species-ist,gutless bastards.
FF: So,what did you think of the debate?
WM: Are you kidding, ff? That wasn't a debate, it was a lap dance! Hey, I was waiting for Hillary to break into her black mammy dialect! It was like, who can be more politically correct and wiggle better...I'm surprised nobody wore blackface.
FF: Yeah, a lot of people called it a real pander-fest.
WM: Funny thing is, I can out pander all of `em, with my education plans. That's why they blacklisted me..because they know I stand for something and that scares the bananas right out of them. Anyway, it was a real snoozer, besides.
FF: Y'know,Monkey, they all mentioned pulling out of Iraq, but not one of them mentioned fighting the war or protecting the country...am I wrong?
WM: Nah, you're not wrong. Those schmucks are all in denial. Me, I know how important it is to protect your piece of the jungle.
FF: Especially when you see what happened in London today. What do you think about that?
WM: I think you got it right...it was home grown British jihadis.
FF: Hey, Monkey, you're tight with these people..why are they so crazy, anyway? You ever talk to Ibn Habish and Ali Boobah about it?
WM: I think it's basically turf, ff. The Rushdie thing was like a real insult to them, because they're nervous about losing power and prestige over something like that. It's like a house made out of blocks..pull one out and the whole thing caves in. Next thing you know, women will be voting and driving cars. To them, it's all about power and who's the boss..and agreements are for suckers. That's why they don't work so well in that part of the world.
FF: We should talk about the big news..the amnesty bill crashing and burning.
WM: Well, I think my plan is looking better and better. I knew the primates wouldn't put up with that kind of bogus poop. Nobody with opposible thumbs woulda bought that nonsense. Maybe we should outsource Bush, and find someone to do the jobs the president and congress isn't doing....
FF: Oh, I think some of the congress did pretty good..Jeff Sessions and Jim DeMint for instance. And the others were scared to death..you know that the entire senate phone system shut down?
WM: Whoo!
FF: Did you hear Ann Coulter on TV ? `Hey, he really is a uniter! The whole country can't wait for that nincompoop to leave!'
WM: Hee hee! I tell yah, FF, you may end up being right about them impeaching him. You poop on your friends in the branches below one too many times, they just don't squawk when you fall outta the tree and the hyenas get you...
FF: Well, we'll see...
WM: Hey, FF, I gotta go..time to meet n' greet the primates...
FF: OK, I'll let you get to it..say good bye to Joshua's Army,OK ..By the way, did you know we're up past 100,000 visitors?
WM: Wow,in a year and a half?
FF: Yup. And that includes the early days when 20 visitors a day was a huge turnout.
WM: Not bad, FF. You couldn'ta done it with out me! Bye bye everybody, have a great weekend,and if you can't be good , be careful! Take it easy, FF.
FF: Take care Monkey. And dittos to all of you from me. Have a good one, see you in 24 or so..
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