FF: Now it's time for another run through the fetid political jungle withJoshuaPundit's own political guru, my pal Weekend Monkey.
WM: Hideyho,Primates!
FF: Howdy, Monkey...What's going on with the campaign?
WM: It's starting to heat up like an overipe mango in the sun, FF
FF: Y'know, you got the Michigan primary right Monkey. That gives you a perfect track record since 2006! I don't know how you're doing it, but you could put 90% of the pollsters and pundits in the unemployment line...
WM: Did you expect anything less? Though, I gotta say, I thought the Rethug race would be closer.
FF: Yeah, Romney pulled off a pretty decisive win. I wonder how much he spent per vote?
WM: Hee hee hee! Well, he's got the bananas to throw around..
FF: That's for sure. What did you think of that 44% `uncommitted' vote against Hillary?
WM: That's the black vote and the LeftWingnuts talking..although I betcha some of my Democrats voted in the Rethug primary, just to keep things boiling.
FF: Yeah, we talked about that. Daily Kos was telling people to vote for Romney to keep the GOP divided and fighting among themselves.
WM: By the way, speaking of divided and fighting, I saw that piece you wrote on the race war between Shrillary and Obama Yo' Mama. I hadn't looked at it that way, but you may be climbing up the right tree there...
FF: Yeah, the way I see it, Hillary and Mr. Bill may just have figured that with Obama in the race, she was going to lose a large piece of the black vote in the primaries. So they're really focusing more on the Hispanic vote and taking advantage of the animosity between blacks and Hispanics, especially in urban areas. That piece of the pie, especially when you combine it with unions and older whites is way larger than the part Obama has, so it makes political sense. That's also why she has LA Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa campaigning with her and is so hot for driver's licenses for illegals.
WM:Hmm, if you got that right, the whole Martin Luther King fracus looks like just a trap Obama Yo' Mama fell into..
FF: And after Hillary gets the nomination, I mean..where are Obama's supporters gonna go? Most of them won't vote Republican in the general. So they'll all unite behind Hillary.
WM: I always told ya Obama Yo' Mama wasn't as sharp as people said he was...
FF: Too bad you never got a chance to debate him during your campaign. I think you would have made him look pretty bad.
OK, Monkey. Now that Michigan has gone down, what's the word on Nevada and South Carolina?
WM: OK, Nevada, another one of those weird caucus-type states I don't take too seriously...for my Democrats, I see Nevada going for Shrillary, even with those fruitcakes allowing voting to go on in the casinos. The Latino labor force on the Strip and all those old retirees running out the clock in Vegas will put her over. Obama will come in second, by......umm...I'll say five points, max. Could be less. Barbie would do better getting himself a makeover and hitting the crap tables, as good as he's gonna do. A distant third.
FF: And the Republicans?
WM: Romney, McCain and Huckabuck, one- two- three.
FF: Let's move on to South Carolina. You called it for Huckabee and Hillary last week last week.. want to change your picks?
WM: mmmm....for my Democrats, I'm still calling that for Shrillary. Like I said, I think at least close to half the black primates will figure out how to punch the hole next to her name,and that should do it. But it'll be close, like New Hampshire.Maybe even closer, but Obama Yo' Mama will still be a factor until after Super Tuesday.
FF:For the Republicans?
WM: Ook,gotta luv those crazed Rethugs! Ok...McCain really needs a win here, just like Romney did in Michigan. He's gotta prove he can carry a southern, conservative state. So in terms of being desperate, he's got an edge over Romney, who knows he won't do squat here. And the state is full up with ex-military and military types who lean towards him.
On the other side,you got all kinds of the primates who resent the way he tried to let the illegal aliens loose in their part of the jungle, and don't trust him. Plus,you got Huckapoo, who's going to carry religious whackos and probably the Weight Watchers vote as well. And you got Fred Thompson,who's a southern type primate and Mr. Conservative..
It'll be real close,and probably I should say too close to call and not risk it, but I still see Huckabum pulling it out by a nosehair, with McCain second and Thompson third.
FF: All the polls have McCain ahead....
WM: Yeah, and all the polls had Obama Yo' Mama winning New Hampshire too,but when the primates crawl into those little booths to mark their territory,I think they're going to tell McCain `no sale.'Remember, FF, I'm hedging on this one...it will be really close and could go-go either way...
FF: If you're right on this one, Monkey,I think somebody ought to throw some big bucks your way as a political consultant.
WM: From your mouth to G-d's ear, FF! Besides I got other expenses now.
FF: You mean -
WM: We'll talk later.
FF: OK ,Monkey. This oughta be good...let's say goodbye to our readers now, I can't wait to hear what this is all about!
WM: Hideyho, Primates! Smell ya later!
Barbie would do better getting himself a makeover and hitting the crap tables,
ReplyDeleteit's ken you stooopid monkey.
the boys name was ken.
g-d i can't believe ff lets this worm near a keyboard.
and please dear g-d don't leave his mug up at the top for the entire sabbath/weekend????
AAARRRRGGGGHHHHH