20 Ways to be Popular At An Expensive Liberal Arts School

Ah, the vagaries of the petri dish of the Left, the expensive Liberal Arts college.

Want to fit in? Here's your very own guide to social success in the counter-culture stewpot:

1. Despite your Jewish upbringing, support Palestine at all cost. Disregard any and all other atrocities happening across the globe. Palestine is fresh and hip. Not only do you seem engaged and political, you get to rock a Keffiyeh.

2. Smoke Parliaments.

3. Under no circumstances support the school your parents are paying exorbitant amounts of money for you to attend. School spirit and pride is for squares and bros. Square bros.

4. Complain frequently. The vaguer the criticism the better. Say that the problem with your school is “systemic” or “institutional.” Offer no suggestions or constructive criticism.

5.Take over a building. Why not the library? All you need to do is show up and then refuse to leave. It is the most effective way of getting your point (perhaps justice in a far away land) across and in no way inconveniences other students. Make sure to bring your nalgene full of greentea and your macbook, because you may be there for hours!

6.Smoke weed and avoid homework.

7. The more things you take offense to the better. Throw terms like sexist, racist, and homophobe at everyone/everything that has the audacity to disagree with you. The more you use these terms the more valid they become, so try to squeeze them in every other sentence.

8. Attend class as little as possible. Don’t worry you probably don’t have grades and none of your classes actually count as credit.

9. Frequently talk about transferring to NYU. The louder the better. Of course, this will never be a reality because your noncredits don’t transfer.

10. It doesn’t matter if you’re from Long Island, New Jersey, or the Hamptons. At school you’re from “the city.”

11. Take Adderall, Ritalin, Vivance, Dexedrine, etc for every task requiring the slightest bit of effort. Cleaning your room? Take some speed. One page response paper? SPEED.

Read the rest of the list here ...

(via Professor Bill)

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