Bush's Unholy Crusade Against Radioactive Muslims

The Bush Junta has long used the so-called “War on Terror” as an excuse to incite fear and erode our civil liberties. But now shocking new evidence has come to light that suggests Bush may have been defending us against “terrorist attacks” much sooner than we would like to believe – at least before receiving any clear instructions from the 9/11 Commission or the United Nations. It seems that right around the time Bush’s CIA was listening in on the phone conversations of retired beekeepers in Dubuque, Iowa, his FBI began monitoring innocent Muslim sites for radioactivity – and without even bothering to obtain a warrant.

This, the latest of a long list of Bush scandals, is offensive on so many levels. Not only is it a blatant violation of our Constitutional Right to Privacy, but it also presumes that radioactivity is a crime, and one that Muslims are most likely to commit. Most Muslim-Americans who just happen to be highly radioactive - whether as a lifestyle choice or an accident of birth – have never committed an act off terrorism. They live peaceful, law-abiding lives, and should be treated with decency and respect, not stigmatized by bigots with badges.

Of course, there are always a few bad apples that may be glowing for purely illicit reasons, but we do the Radioactive Muslim Community a great disservice by automatically assuming they’re all a threat to our safety. Instead of singling Muslim sites out for scrutiny, all businesses and residences of any kind should be subject to monitoring. The FBI should randomly draw an address out of a hat, and the occupants of The Sunnydale Retirement Home would be asked to remove their shoes and spin around in circles while a uniformed lesbian prods them with a Geiger counter. America hasn’t had a single hijacking since Norm Mineta implemented this brilliant policy at the airports, so there’s no reason why the FBI can’t do the same.

Many who aren't of Arabic origin, nor highly radioactive, may find this approach somewhat of an inconvenience. But once we tolerate racial profiling in any form, we play right into the hands of those who plotted and carried out the 9/11 attacks – the unelected terrorists in the White House.

(SATIRE ALERT!!)


(Thanks to Liberal Larry at blamebush.typepad.com)