The Real Banana: Weekend Monkey On The New Hampshire Primary

FF: Well howdy, members of Joshua's Army and innocent bystanders. The New Hamphsire primary is history, and I'm pleased to be joined by my pal Weekend Monkey for a wrapup...once again, he predicted the results exactly.

WM: Hideyho,Primates!

FF: Monkey, this is amazing. Do you realize that you now have a pefect track record when it comes to political predictions? Almost everybody had Obama winning New Hampshire...except you. And you got the Republican primary right as well!

WM: Hey, I calls `em like I sees `em, FF.

FF: You are one savvy political animal, Monkey. So how did Senator Clinton pull this one out of the hat?

WM: Well, I told you not to take Iowa seriously, FF. It's a freakin' caucus, y'know, a very confused setup. Ne w Hampshire is a real primary, with actual votes.

Look, FF. Obama has a buzz because he appeals to showbiz types, yuppie Gen xer's with college degrees and college students, and they look good jumping up and down like baboons in front of the cameras, and pundits love to scream about them, especially since most of them fall into that group. But lots of them don't vote, especially the college students. I found that out myself in Iowa, remember?

A lot of Obama's events,believe it or not, have an element of singles meet markets, where the primates can sniff each other out for mating purposes. A lot of Obama rallies even have after parties, just like my events used to. Obama does have some support, but I didn't see it as solid, especially in a state like New Hampshire.

Shrillary appealed to more traditional Dems who tend to vote in higher percentages - older women, older male Dem primates, the Unions, people in blue collar and lower paying jobs...they weren't gonna vote for a buppie like Obama Yo ' Mama, no way. And because it's New Hampshire,the black vote wasn't a factor, and Shrillary and Obama pretty much split what there was of it. So I saw this coming.

FF: Do you think Hillary tearing up and getting maudlin on camera helped her?

WM: It didn't hurt. Shrillary at least looked human for a change.

FF: Yeah...actually, I think it might have helped her in a negative way.

WM: Wha?

FF: After she teared up on camera, there were a lot people who made fun of her, both Democrat and Republican..

WM: Yeah, I read some of that poop...stuff like saying her new campaign song oughta be `It's My Party And I'll Cry If I want To'. I yukked it up good over that one!

FF: A lot of people did,but I think it provoked a bit of a backlash. Not a huge one, but it was there.

WM: Aw, c'mon, FF. You bought that act?

FF: Look, I'm not a supporter of Senator Clinton. I think she'd be a disaster as president, and as far as I'm concerned the only reason she's not in jail over those fraudulent legal docs she drew up is because the special prosecutor couldn't prove intent and Web Hubbel and Susan McDougal kept their mouths shut in prison until Bill Clinton could pardon them.But I think she was actually showing her real human face for a change and being passionate about her feelings for the country.

WM: Spare me, FF. Puh-leeze! Anyway, it's a solid win for her.

FF: Ok, ok. The Republicans, Monkey? You called it correctly as McCain, Romney, one two .

WM: Yeah, I figured the independents as breaking for McCain. What was the spread?

FF: 5 points, 37-32. Huckabee came in third with 11%, and Rudy ended up in fourth with 9%, just like you said.

WM: Actually, Giuliani surprised me, getting that close to third. Like I said, you can't count him out yet.

FF: Here's another thing you were right about...Ron Paul ended up right behind Rudy,with 8%.

WM: Told you. The Paul primates are fanatical. How did Thompson do?

FF: Pathetic. He not only finished way behind Ron Paul, but behind the write in votes with only 1%. I figure he'll hang around `till after Super Tuesday and then bail if nothing changes.

So, Monkey, next up is Michigan.

WM: Yeah, Michigan. For the Dems, I still see Shillary winning, but maybe only by a coupla points. It'll be close. The unions, non-college types and a lot of the senior citizens, especially older women will go for her. Obama will get the upscale Dems, the college students who bother to vote and the Muslims..lots of them in Michigan. It will all come down to how the black vote breaks, especially in Detroit. If Shrillary can get at least 50% of the black vote, I say she takes it.

For the Rethugs, it will come down to McCain and Romney, and it could be close.

Romney really needs a win . His dad was the governor, he grew up here, he's well known name-wise..but McCain won Michigan when he ran here in 2000, just like he won New Hampshire so in some ways it's a similar scenario.

It's really too close to call right now...lemmee sleep on it.

FF: Fair enough, Monkey. Talk to you soon..

WM: Always a pleasure, FF. See you next time, primates!