Monday, March 03, 2008

The Real Banana on Politics, With Weekend Monky - 3/3/08

And now, it's time to slither through the fetid jungle of politics with my close personal friend, ex-Democrat candidate for president Weekend Monkey!

WM: Hideyho,Primates!

FF: Well, Monkey..I guess the question of the day is `will Hillary survive?'

WM: Oh, she'll survive all right...unless somebody pours a pail of water on her...or drops a house on her..

FF: Monkey! Was that nice? Anyway, the pundits have all but written her off....

WM: Yeah, just like they did after Iowa, remember? Except for yours truly.

FF: I have to give you that one,Monkey. In general,your track record for this political season has been pretty amazing, much better than those pollsters who are raking in the big bucks. Are you sorry now you didn't stay in the race?

WM: Sorta. I mean even Ralph Nader is running again.(hoots) In the end, it all came down to the @!#$! dollars. That, and me being who I am.

FF: Well, for what it's worth I think you look pretty good compared with what's out there now.So you still see Lady Macbeth having a decent chance, even with the Obama-mania?

WM: Oh yeah, FF. Looky, FF, a lot of the young primates aren't going to Obama Yo' Mama's rallies for politics,they're going there to go to the after-parties, get buzzed and try to catch a little bit of -

FF: Monkey,keep it clean,OK?

WM: Hey,it is what it is. I had the same thing going for me for a while. But in the end I mean, how many of them are really gonna vote? Plus Obama Yo' Mama made a dumbass mistake ranking on NAFTA the way he did. That won't sit well with Hispanics or with those yuppie entrepreneurs he's courting - where does he think their profit margins are coming from if not cheap Mexican labor?

FF: Hmmmm...the numbers, Monkey?

WM: Ho-kay..Texas is too close to call,but I might put a little money on Shrillary,particularly if I can get her and points. I wouldn't bet my whole kick on it, but I think there are two groups that will go for her. I think she'll get most of the Hispanics, `specially the older ones that vote. And she'll get a lot of white Republicans.

FF: Good point. I mean,why waste time voting for McCain at this point, since he's already a shoo-in? They might as well stick it to Obama.

WM: I could see Shrillery taking Texas by a coupla points, maybe. Still too close to call. But I have no problem calling Rhode Island and Vermont for Obama Yo'Mama - and both Pennsylvania and Ohio for Shrillery by solid margins.

FF: So, Monkey, if you're right, it turns into a dogfight at the convention.

WM: Nah, much as I'd like to see it. It'll be deadlocked long before then, and my prediction is that both of them will sit down and deal before they get there. That's gonna be true even if Obama Yo' Mama squeaks by in the Lone Star State.

FF: And remember Monkey..Michigan and Florida are still a question mark, and Hillary won both of them. As a matter of fact, Florida chose its convention delegates today, even though the DNC Politbureau says they and Michigan won't be seated.

WM: Politbureau, FF? Nice way to talk about my Democrats. But you're right, this time. They shouldn't have disenfranchised those two states. And then, of course there's the superdelegates...

FF: Let's jump over to the Republicans. Everyone's speculating on whom John McCain will pick for his running mate...

WM: Well I'm available, for the right price.

FF: McCain and Monkey in `08..I gotta admit, it's catchy. And the campaign posters would be instant collector's items.

WM: Damn straight. And if McCain has me on the ticket,he can use my comprehensive immigration reform plan.

FF: I'm sure you're under serious consideration as we speak, Monkey. And on that note, let's wind it up.

WM: See ya,FF. Smell ya later, primates!

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