And now, it's time for the weekly roundup for Joshua's Army members...a rundown of news and views, featuring me and my close personal friend, Democrat presidential candidate Weekend Monkey!
WM: Hidey Ho, FF!
FF: Hidey Ho, Weekend Monkey! How's it hangin? Or should I ask Hooker or Grupstein?
WM: Very Funny, FF...who do you think I am, Bill Clinton? I know enough not to play with the staff.
FF: Seriously though, Monkey...I mean, you have needs, and the campaign trail gets mighty stressful I bet..
WM: Whaddya think all those the Campus speeches and appearances are for? Hee hee hee hee! Some of those coed primates really know how to party...and they love to hang with this monkey. They love me for..uh.. my ideas.
FF: You better keep your nose and every other part of you clean, Monkey. Remember what happened to Gary Hart? And I hope you're not indulging in any questionable substances..you're supposed to be a role model.
WM: Nothing but a beer here and there and a little Bushmill's and banana extract every now and then. And remember, you turned me on to that.
FF: Horse manure, Monkey, I never taught you to pollute good whiskey with banana extract as a mixer!
WM: So I'm innovative...what can I say? Let's run down the week in politics for the primates.
FF: Right...the You Tube groove thang, Monkey?
WM: Watch it FF, you're sounding like Hillary doing her mammy act! I gotta say, I'm glad this was one they didn't invite me to. I mean,. what is this, a combination of American Idol and America's Funniest Home Videos?
FF: Remember the Gong Show?
WM: Hee Hee!! Good one!
FF: Seriously though, I think that originally, TV imitated our culture...now,it's like our culture imitates TV. Y'know, I was talking to my mom the other day -
WM: You had a mother? And she admits to it?
FF: Aw, shaddup! Anyway, my mom is a lifelong Democrat...she even goes to the state convention as a delegate. She told me she's never seen such a sorry bunch, and she's been in politics for over thirty years.
WM: Hmmm..think she'd endorse me?
FF: You'd be surprised what you can get for a coupla bingo cards or a trip to one of the casinos with a complimentary buffet these days. You probably need a position paper on seniors anyway...put that little scumbag Beibersnatch to work on it.
WM: Not a bad idea, could be a whole new constituency for me. And don't call Beibersnatch a scumbag, OK?
FF: Are you kidding? He nearly got you roughed up by a couple of illegal aliens back in L.A.
WM: As a presidential candidate,I've learned tolerance for the mistakes of others...
FF: Well, Kum-freaking-bayah!(Laughter)
WM: (Laughing) OK, OK, you got me. So, you think Gonzales is toast?
FF: Yeah, maybe. This is the politics of revenge..though I have to admit, he does strike me as not the sharpest tool in the shed.
WM: Yeah, especially if he really did screw up on his testimony. I mean the guy's a lawyer.
FF: I think he's just another link to eventually get to Bush and Cheney. Remember Monkey, we have a bet, Six to four that he doesn't finish his term. And you took the longshot.
WM: I sure did, and I stand by it..wait n' see. You can't poop on your pals the way Bush has and hang with them. The way I see it, the best thing he has going for him is the fact that he's only got another 18 months to go.
FF: Even Rush was talking about how the impetus for impeachment is getting stronger. And whatever you think of his views, Monkey, his track record for predictions is pretty good.
WM: What about your pals the ReThugs, FF? How are they looking?
FF: Well, Monkey, you know Dick Morris?
WM: Yeah,nice guy unless he gets into too much Inca Marching powder.
FF: (sigh) Anyway, he said that who ever is still in front of the pack by Labor Day is likely to be the nominee for both the Dems and the GOP. I still think we're going to see a Giuliani/Clinton matchup.
WM: I dunno, FF. I think we're gonna see some late entries, at least from the GOP. And don't count me out yet,either.I just need more exposure.
FF: I think you're exposed enough already, Monkey. But, who you figure?
WM: I could see Gingritch getting in. Fred Thompson probably will too,but I think once people find out more about him,he might not look so good as he does now.And I wouldn't write Obama off for the Dems. I think it's gonna be a fight, at least in my party, right down to the wire. For the Republicans, I think Giuliani's the only one with a hope of getting elected so far.
FF: Yeah,I've pretty much written Fred Thompson off myself. I mean Spencer Abraham?
WM: Yeah, not the smartest move if you're trying to convince people you're strong on national security,huh?
FF: Well, better we know now,right? What's up with you these days, by the way?
WM: I think Grupstein was saying something about how I'm doing some more TV next week....I'll let you know. And howcum you haven't been covering more of my events, FF?
FF: Well, Monkey, you're pretty much sticking to your stump speech, it's mostly on college campuses and let's face it, a lot of the rallies afterwards are kinda like a slightly cleaned up Girls Gone Wild DVD. I'll see if I can't throw you some more coverage,but you have to try different locales...more local color, OK?
WM: I'll take it under advisement.
FF: OK Monkey. By the way, do you know the two strongest days of the week?
WM: Huh? Nope.
FF: Saturday and Sunday, Monkey..`cause the others are `weak' days!
WM: Ouch,that was awful, FF! But I guess that means it's that time again....Have a great weekend,Primates! Vote Monkey! You have a good one too,FF...
FF: Take care, Monkey. And that goes for the rest of you out there...see you in 24 or so.
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