Thursday, July 31, 2008

The Real Banana: Campaign '08 With Weekend Monkey 7/31/08

FF: Once again,it's time to creep through the rancid political jungle with JoshuaPundit's own political guru and former Democratic Presidential Candidate, my pal Weekend Monkey.

WM: Howdy FF. Whaddup, Primates!

FF:Hello Monkey. What's new with campaign `08?

WM: Well,it's starting to get interesting. As a political animal, my instincts tell me that both Obama Yo' Mama and the Grumpy Old Guy want to get a few early licks in before the Olympics starts hogging up the oxygen in the news room,so we're seeing McCain starting to go more negative and running ads about Obama's positions onIraq and his status as a certified poseur and Obama reminding everybody that HE'S Mistah Hope and Change,that McCain is actually George Bush in disguise and that anyone who votes against him is a racist.

FF:That pretty much covers it, Monkey.

WM: it would be nice if they were actually yakking about the issues, y'know? If I was the prospective nominee, I would be spreading it thick to the primates about all the benefits they would have under me as their leader.

FF:You certainly did that during the campaign Monkey, I'll give you that. I think a big part of the reason there's no dialog about the issues is because Obama seems to be unwilling to hold a debate with McCain in anything but the most controlled circumstances. Why do you think that is?

WM: Are you kidding,FF? We're dealing with a candidate who's running entirely on his image, not his record. It's simple...Obama Yo' Mama isn't going to risk anything happening in an environment he doesn't totally own that might screw up the image..not with the prize so close he can smell it. That's why he didn't go to see those wounded soldiers in Germany,FF. He's not real popular with a big chunk of the military because of his weaseling on Iraq, so why take a chance on going to a military hospital and risking some wounded GI trashing him? Even with no press there,that stuff has a way of getting out, especially nowadays.

FF: Yeah,that was pretty much my take on it.

WM: Yeah, I know...I read it.

FF: Aside from the shots by both sides, the main thing people are speculating on is running mates right now.You think we'll hear about that soon?

WM: Natural enough. There are a lot of the primates who are dissatisfied with both these baboons, and they're hoping whoever runs on the back end of the ticket will make one of them a little easier to swallow. Personally, I don't think we're going to hear about it until after the Olympics, especially not from Obama Yo' Mama.McCain, maybe,but I still wouldn't be surprised if the VP picks weren't announced until right before the conventions...and maybe not even until after the Presidential nominations.

FF:Your reasons, Monkey?

WM: Simple, FF. Both candidates want to see how the polls are going and where they're going to need the most help. Close election like this is gonna be, any little thing could make the difference.

FF: Who do you think it will be.

WM: For my Democrats, I'm leaning more towards the people you mentioned last time...Tim Kaine or Claire McCaskill.And I still think Evan Bayh and Karen Sebelius are in the running as well.

FF: At this point, I think it's either Kaine, because Virginia is so close, or Bayh, because that gives Obama a shot at maybe actually taking Indiana. I though at one time that Obama might go for a female to bring in those disgruntled Hillary voters, but on reflection I think you're right Monkey...just like the conservatives with McCain, it's not like they have anywhere else to go. Who do you think McCain will pick.

WM: With that logic, probably Kaine unless there's some weirdness in his past we don't know about. Speaking of weirdness, did you see what happened with Barbie and the Enquirer? Ah ha ha hah hah...priceless!

FF: Well, I saw it,but I don't usually cover that kind of stuff here, Monkey. And besides, I always figured John Edwards spent a lot of time in the men's room anyway.

WM: Hee hee..hey, why did Rielle Hunter cross the road?

FF: I dunno.

WM: To get to the Beamer Edwards bought her!

FF: Ba dum dum..very funny Monkey.

WM:Knock knock.

FF: Who’s there?

WM: Rielle.

FF:Rielle who?

WM: You must get all your news from TV and newspapers!

FF: Mmph!

WM: Hey, FF..what's the difference between Rielle Hunter and the wind? The wind only blows your husband when he's outside! Hee hee hee hee!

FF: I think a certain Monkey has too much time on his hands..or something. We could continue milking this cheap vein of shallow entertainment, but It .Would. Be. Wrong. So , to change the subject, who do you see as the Republican nominee?

WM: Aw, I didn't even get to tell my joke about the fire hydrant!

FF: Monkey...

WM: OK, OK...I think both of us are agreed it won't be Romney or Huckabuck.

FF: Uh huh..

WM: Hard to guess would be Tim Pawlenty.

FF: I still think Tim Pawlenty or Tom Ridge are the front runners. I also think it won't be Giuliani, although I think he'd be great at the job.

WM: Tom Ridge?

FF: Very Popular in Pennsylvania Monkey. Definitely brings that state into play. Also, I'd love to see Heather Wilson or Sarah Palin from Alaska in the number 2 spot.

WM: Yeah..Palin's hot in kind of a naughty schoolteacher way.

FF: Aside from the charisma aspect, she's fearless, a good speaker and knows a lot about energy. And Wilson is awesome. I'm still chuckling over what she did to Chris Matthews and Robert Wexler on hardball. I mean, it was brutal.

WM: yeah, I saw the video...not the best moment for my Democrats. You really think McCain would run with a woman?

FF: Why not? He needs to do something.I mean, it's nice that he's taking off the gloves with Obama finally, but he needs an equalizer for all of Obama's money. Do you know that Obama actually has enough cash to run a summer camp to train his political operatives?

WM: I'm not surprised. Like I said before, it's going to be close unless Obama Yo' Mama shoots himself in the foot, which is still possible, maybe in the debates or something if they ever happen. Cash is an advantage and they'll use it, no question.

FF: oh indeed they will. This isn't a campaign in the usual's a movement and I think Obama is building a cult of personality all his own.As a matter of fact, that's the title of Dr. Jeropme Corsi's new book on Obama, The ObamaNation:Leftist Politics And The Cult Of Personality.It hits the stores tommorrow.

WM: Wha..? Isn't he the guy who co-wrote the book on Kerry, Unfit For Command?

FF: Yup. I heard an interview with him on Hannity and I think he's got another best seller here. And he's practically daring Obama to sue him.

WM: Whooo! Now this could get interesting. I mean, isn't Obama Yo' Mama the guy who said "Don't swift boat me?"

FF: Yes he did, Monkey. And I'm sure we'll see what develops.And with that,let's wrap it up.

WM: Yowzah! Hideyho, good, and if you can't be good, be careful.


Anonymous said...

knock knock.
who's there?
monkey who?
monkey won't work that's why i knocked.

shut up monkey boy, it's better than yours.

Anonymous said...

Funny jokes! I'll have to remember those.