Monday, December 17, 2007

Weekend Monkey on Politics - The Real Banana, 12/17/07

WM:Hideeho, Primates! Welcome to the Real Banana.

FF: Hi Monkey. How're things going?

WM: Oh, a little of this, a little of that.

FF: Seems to me that's how you got into trouble in the first place.

WM: Aw, shaddup.

FF: What's going on in the political jungle these days?

WM: Whoo, it's vicious! I guess with Iowa just a coupla weeks away and New Hampshire and South Carolina right after that, the knives are out. On the Democrat side, it's come down to a fistfight between Shrillary and Obama Yo' Mama, for which I gotta give a little credit to Obama...he's not the one yakking about drug use and flinging the poop. Partly, it's because he's a wuss -I mean, the guy obviously squats to pee, but Shrillery is going bananas, and that tells me she's worried, no matter what the polls say. Did you see that picture of her that went out today?

I mean, she looks like Dan Rather in drag!

Plus, you got Edwards on the sidelines to make things ree-eal interesting.

FF: Do you really see John Edwards as a credible threat?

WM: Hey, in Iowa, in the middle of a snowstorm with caucus rules that make a gang of rhesus monkeys on the rampage look organized? Anything could freakin' happen, and I mean anything. remember, it's a caucus, FF, not a primary. And I betcha we're going to see a lot more poop thrown before that date, Christmas or no Christmas.

FF: Did you see the one where Clinton compared the caucus to a cattle show and was inviting Iowa voters to look inside her mouth if they wanted to?

WM: Yeccch! Bad mental image. I just think a lotta stuff has caught up with her. The whole Clinton strategy, the way I see it was to present her as the queen heading for a coronation, somebody who would bring the Good Old Days back to the White House. That's why Bill has been out there stumping for her like crazy, but I think that backfired a little bit. From what I'm hearing, a lot of people liked her, but didn't like the idea of that sleazy mutt getting back in to the White House again. And there's another group that likes him, but can't stand Hillary, so they sorta cancel each other out.

Plus, another thing has happened. You notice the Dems ain't yakking so much about the war these days?

FF: Yeah. It's going too well in spite of how they tried to sabotage things. Frankly, I think they'd be embarrassed if I didn't know better. You're right they're talking more about bread and butter issues and government gimmees.

WM: Exactly, pal. People are worried about the economy and they're not so focused on protecting our part of the jungle these days...which is why Giuliani has taken a tumble in the polls as well. That's why I see Edwards and Huckabee doing so well lately. Plus, there's all these fund raising scandals Clinton has been involved with lately, Norman Hsu, those Chinese waiters, the whole nine yards. Doesn't look good, just like the poop slinging. Reminds people of the bad side of the Clinton era.

FF: Monkey, I read where in 2000, when he left the White House, Bill Clinton claimed about $1 million in assets and about $2.4 million in legal fees. In Hillary Clinton's latest financial disclosure, she's claiming a net worth estimated at between $17.4 million and $53.7 million. I guess being a US senator or an ex-president must pay a lot more than advertised.

WM: Hee hee hee! Anywho, this is all hitting her at once,and she's scrambling like a cockroach under the sink who just had a light shined on her.

FF: So, Monkey, what about the Republicans?

WM: FF, they're bordering on pathethic. Pretty easy to see what happened....Fred Thompson was supposed to be the `anti-Giuliani', but he pooped out like a wet firecracker. Then it was Romney, but some people realized he's a Mormon and didn't like that, so now we have this guy Huckabee...who's also playing to those bread and butter, government gimmees type issues, and yokking it up with sort of people who see that and the abortion issue as the main thing.

FF: Yeah, and a lot of the National Review mainstream type `conservatives' are now lining up behind Romney. Huckabee scares them.

WM: Hey, I got nothin' against Romney, aside from the fact he looks and acts like a middle aged Ken doll a lot of the time. I mean, I never had a bad word or even once ran over one of those guys in the short sleeved shirts and ties on the bicycles casing the neighborhood for potential suckers...

FF: By that, I take it you mean LDS missionaries? Keep it respectful, OK Monkey?

WM: Ok, Ok, sorr-ee! But anyway, Romney seems like a smart guy, but I don't see him winning in a general election, and I think it might even be what they call a `push' in Vegas for him getting the nomination...although he has enough moola to at least get to the convention if he wants. As for the rest of the guys....well, Huckabee is pretty much the Republican's version of Obama, all public image and no real substance, and he's got a stupid enough mouth that's he's probably going to shoot himself in the foot eventually. McCain is too old and has been all over the place politically and a lot of `conservatives' won't touch him. And Giuliani is getting trashed heavily - a lot of `conservative' types have been sliming him for months and it's finally starting to stick. He seems stalled, especially if people keep ignoring the national security and defense issues. I mean, if the guy doesn't win Florida and a significant amount of delegates in the February 5 blow out, he's over.

So any way you slice the banana, it's going to be a real fight, at least for the next two months. Some of the guys will likely be dead and gone as candidates after February 5th, but I see it coming down to two or maybe three primates standing at convention time. At that point, we'll see who and what's for sale.

FF: Do you think Ed Rollins signing on to Huckabee's campaign changes anything. He's a real pro.

WM: Depends. If Huckabee lets him organize stuff right and Rollins can get Huckabee to keep his mouth shut, he has a shot.

FF: And the Democrats?

WM: Whoo! That one will be fun if nothing else. I still see Shrillary as the primate to beat, even if she loses Iowa, New Hampshire and South Carolina. She's got too much money, too many shills in the media and way too much of an organization to count her out just yet. Obama Yo' Mama could win a primary here and there - Iowa and South Carolina maybe - but he's going down..just not ready for prime time. Edwards could surprise people, especially in the early primaries but I don't think he has the bucks or the organization to go all the way. Still I see a lot of dirt being tossed...this ain't gonna be no Mr. Clean campaign!

Another wild card is whether something happens to get the primates concerned about national security again. That helps Giuliani and McCain for the Republicans, and hurts all the Democrats, but Shrillary probably the least.

FF: Do you ever regret getting out of the race yourself.

WM: Sometimes. But let's face it, I never really had the money to run properly.

FF: Maye you ought to run for Congress, or for something like mayor of DC, their standards are pretty low. And it would give you a platform for another shot at the presidentcy.

WM: Oh,yeah....Representative Monkey! Or Mayor Monkey....hey, wait it minute! What was that crack about `low standards' FF???

FF: Well, if we're talking about Washington DC Monkey, I think `crack' is the operative word.

WM: Hah hah, very funny.

FF: Maybe Marion Barry would endorse you, or at least hook you up if you know what I mean.
Anyway, Monkey that's the Real Banana.

WM: Bye, primates...see you soon!

Weekend Monkey can be contacted for speaking engagements, interviews, bribes or interesting offers at: Wendmonkey@


Anonymous said...

and he's got a stupid enough mouth that's he's probably going to shoot himself in the foot eventually.

well look at this, the pet monkey calling someone else stooopid. tell you what chimp boy, if you're gonna take aim at one of your own body parts i'll be glad to help with your aim.

as for the photogs, even on a bad day hillary looks better than the pet monkey.

as for the dimocrats, hillary is going to set some people down and say, listen, i'm your only chance of taking back the white house, now either shut up and support me or you're going to end up dead.
hillary gets the nod in a landslide.

as for the rubicscubes, i can't understand guilani's slide, he's already had the hardest job in america. two terms. and that was before the people of peace raised their heads. it's alomost as though the media is knows he can beat hillary so let's have her run against huckabee. she can beat him.

as for monkey boy, why don't you be a good pet, and take ff advice and find a nice election to be in..........say islamabad.

Freedom Fighter said...

Actually, Louie, Weekend Monkey came up with a pretty canny explanation as to why Giuliani has fallen in the polls. Read it again. With the Iraq war ging better and the NIE, people are more focused onth eeconomy and government gimmees than they are on national security..hence the Huckbee boomlet.

That will pass if Ed Rollins is unable to control him ( as, by his own account he failed to control Perot)or if the international situation heats up.

The fact that NRO type conservatives have been attacking Giuliani for months hasn't helped either. Remember Reagan's dictum, `thou shalt not speak ill of thy fellow Republican'.

I agree with you about Hillary being the Dem nominee - and so does Monkey.