Monday, December 31, 2007

Happy New Year!!!

FF:Howdy members of Joshua's Army and innocent's time to get ready to ring in the New Year, and I'm pleased to be joined by my pal Weekend Monkey, and his winsome personal assistant, Linda Gruppstein.You two ready to greet the New Year?

WM:You betcha, FF..let's lay one on the primates!

LG: Hiya FF..I haven't seen you since that interview thingee in L.A...

FF: Oh yeah, the infamous burrito assault hate crime. Did the Los Angeles DA ever prosecute?

LG: Well, Todd was, y'know, incarcerated when the DA was doing what they do, and plus I think the two guys went back to Mexico or wherever.Hey lookit all the booze.. are you two guys planning to drink all this stuff tonight?

FF: Well, some of it's for you, and I think we're having a couple of other guests over if I'm not mistaken.

WM: Yeah, a couple old pals of mine from the `Weekend Monkey For President' sorority at Columbia. Fire up the hot tub FF!

FF: Already done, Monkey, and the champagne's chilled. Let's talk about the past year, and then let our readers weigh in with the usual predictions.

Well, Monkey, this has been quite a year for you, running for president. I still can't believe you did that.

WM: I felt the pain of the primates, FF. Any monkey would have done the same.

FF: Yeah, and plus you're still probably getting paid appearances out of it, right? Sounds very Clintonesque, Monkey.

WM: You're very harsh, FF. Hey, bananas may grow on trees but my rent money doesn't. And if the primates want to listen to the real poop on politics from an acknowledged expert, why shouldn't they?

FF: Nothing personal Monkey. By the way, what's happening these days with your old campaign staff? Linda, you ever hear from them?

LG: Well, Todd's back on the street like I said, and the last I heard he's back at school in Iowa doing that Peace and Justice studies major stuff, Beibersnatch is back in New Jersey...

WM: Yeah, he's managing a Denny's in East Orange.

LG: And Lydia Hooker is back in New York City doing her business stuff. She's really good with money, that girl.

FF: And you, you're now Monkey's personal assistant?

LG: Well yeah, Monkey liked the stuff I did for him during the campaign so he put me in the position ( giggles)

FF: I'll just bet he did. Anyway, Monkey, speaking as an acknowledged expert - and I have to admit, you've been right on the money a fair amount - what do you see happening in Campaign `08?

WM: What a freakin' zoo! Let's take my Democrats first. I mean, does anyone like or trust Shrillary... really? Then next, you got two `tards with zero in the way of real experience, Obama Yo' Mama and Barbie Edwards, a guy who carries a mirror on him at all times in case his `doo gets mussed while he's chasing ambulances! And these people excluded this monkey from the debates because they claimed I wasn't a serious candidate? Whooot!!

LG: It's so unfair, the prejudice. They were just afraid of Monkey and his ideas and stuff.

FF: Truly a shame, Monkey. I really did have my heart set on being our ambassador to French Polynesia or Fiji or somewhere like that. OK, it's predictions time....

WM: OK. First of all, I say we totally discount Iowa for the Dems, because of two reasons. One, nobody is gonna get a crushing victory out of it, and two, it's early days, in a state where it's a caucus and weird stuff can happen.

FF: You're hedging, Monkey...

WM: Alright, alright already!I see Shrillary, Obama and Barbie separated by a fairly small margin in Iowa, but I'll call it for Obama Yo' Mama first, with Barbie and Shrillary fighting it out for a close second and third. In South Carolina, I think Shrillary just manages to beat Obama, with Edwards bringing up the rear. Shrillary takes New Hampshire with Obama in second if he's lucky, and Dodd doing surprisingly well.

FF: Chris Dodd?

WM: Yeah, that's gonna be a surprise that won't surprise me, he's a well known figure there. Anyway, Shrillary cleans up on Super Tuesday and aces the nomination. By the end of February, it's all over. Thing is, the Dems really have nobody else, when you think about it.

FF: I pretty much see it the same way, except I think Obama has enough momentum to get enough delegates to take it to the convention. I say Hillary clinches it on the first ballot. And the Republicans?

WM: Hooooo man, the rethugs are some mixed up primates! You got Giuliani, who can't seem to open his mouth without `9/11' coming out, Huck the Preacher, Mitt Romney who probably scripts going to the can, Fred `Sleepytime' Thompson and McCain, a guy probably a third of the rethugs wouldn't vote for no matter what! By the way, I think you got something there when you say that a lot of Giuliani's drop in the polls and Huckabee's rise has to do with the primates not being so concerned with defending their part of the jungle anymore since Iraq's going better and there's that new intelligence estimate of Iran that says they're not a nukes problem anymore.

FF: I also think he's got a major problem with married women, Monkey, because of his wife.

WM: You mean, because he had an affair?

FF: Nah. Let's use Bill Clinton as an example. Even though he was cheating on Hillary, she chose to forgive him, for whatever reason, so it was the woman that had the control and made the decision. In Rudy's case, the man was the one that made the decision and dumped his ex, even though he ended up marrying the woman he had the affair with. Plus, Rudy humiliated his ex by announcing what was going on at a press conference, for crying out loud!I think there are plenty of married women out there that think what Bill Clinton did was more palatable, just for that reason.

WM: You could have something there, FF. Although I gotta admit,if we're talking about choosing a president, the guy's messy personal life shouldn't be a factor, the way I see it. Whaddya say, Gruppstein?

LG: Well, I think FF is right. Nobody likes to be,like, a laughing stock because they were dumped publicly. I would always rather be the dumper, rather than the dumpee if it was me.

FF: Speaking of messy personal lives, any word on Baby Monkey? How's that going?

WM: @#!$!!. You would have to bring that up...anyway the lawyers are handling it.

FF: Sorry,'s just that Joshua's Army members are concerned about you, you know..So anyway,predictions for the Republicans?

WM: In Iowa, I thinks it's gonna be Huckabuck with Romney as number two, McCain third and Giuliani and Thompson bringing up the rear. And I also think Ron Paul will do a lot better than expected, just because his primates are so fanatical and will go out into the snow to caucus.

FF: They're saying that if Thompson doesn't finish at least third, it's over for him..

WM: It oughta be. I mean, does he strike you as really wanting to be president, FF?

FF: Honestly, no. I think his wife is hot to be first lady though, and that's what's driving him. OK, so after Iowa?

WM: I think Huckapoo is gonna take South Carolina as well, with Romney second and McCain and Giuliani third and fourth.

FF: I wouldn't be surprised to see McCain take second there, and for Romney and Giuliani to fight it out for third.

WM: How you figure, FF?

FF: The military and ex-military vote, among other things.

WM: Hmmmm...maybe. Anyway, I see Romney taking New Hampshire with McCain a close second and Huckabee and Giuliani competing for third,and Ron Paul again doing lots better than expected so it all comes down to Florida.

FF: I see Giuliani taking Florida and staying alive, but not by all that much, I won't even try to handicap things any further at this point.

WM: Same here. It's weird, not that many of the rethugs seem excited about any of these guys except the Ron Paul people. What's up with that, FF?

FF: Well Monkey, two things. First I think the Ron Paul factor is a desire for simpler times and the fact that a lot of people are absolutely disgusted with both parties right now, and that especially pertains to Republicans because of the Bush Administration's policies.In a weird way, Ron Paul appeals to Republicans who like the idea of being isolationists, almost like the Dem Left. It's also why the idea of a third party keeps bubbling to the surface.

Second, I think that the Republicans will get more energized after Clinton is nominated. Although, just between us, I sometimes think that the Republicans might almost want to be out of the White House during this next cycle, in a way. President Bush has kicked the can down the road to his successor on Iran, on the economy and on the war generally in my opinion, and it might be better for them politically to have a Democrat in the White House when the fit hits the shan.

WM: You endorsing anybody for the job, FF?

FF: Not at present. I like Duncan Hunter, but I don't see him as a viable candidate right now. Feel like some predictions for the New Year?

WM: Wheee! I am so there..tell you what. Let's do what we did last year, go multiple choice and let the primates weigh in with their predictions as well as ours. Can I have some more champagne?

FF: Why not? It's already 2008 lots of places! Linda, you want to weigh in on this?

LG:(laughing) Okey Dokey, FF!

FF:Uhh, have another drink there, Linda

Ok...You members of Joshua's Army can make your own picks, and Weekend Monkey, Ms. Gruppstein and myself will make our predictions for 2008 at the bottom. Here goes:

1) On 12/31/2008, the Dow will stand closest to:

a) 12,000

b) 13,000

c) 10,500

d) 14,000

2) The Democrat nominee for President will be:


b) Obama

c) Edwards

3) The GOP nominee for President will be:

a) Romney

b) Huckabee

c) McCain

d) Giuliani

e) Fred Thompson

4) On November 2nd the American people will elect the following person as president:

a) Hillary Clinton

b) Barack Hussein Obama

c) John Edwards

d) Mitt Romney

e) Mike Huckabee

f) Rudy Giuliani

g) John McCain

h) Fred Thompson

i) Someone else

5) On December 31st, 2008, the average gasoline price in the US will be closest to:





6) On December 31st, 2008, the US economy will be:

a) Continuing to grow

b) in a recession

c) growth in some sectors, but with inflation a problem

d) growth in some sectors, but with deflation a problem

7) The US housing market in 2008 will:

a)see prices decline at least an average of 12% as sales decline

b)see prices decline at an average of over 12% as sales decline

c) see prices stabilize for now but decline somewhat in some areas as the Fed continues to cut rates and the government steps in to cut down on forclosures

d) see prices stabilize as sales grow and the market begins to heat up again.

8) The three world leaders who will be out of power one way or another in 2008 are:

a) Ehud Olmert (Israel)

b) Gordon Brown (UK)

c) Fidel Castro (Cuba)

d) Hosni Mubarak (Egypt)

e) Pervez Musharraf (Pakistan)

f) Mahmoud Abbas ( Palestinians - Ramallah)

g) Hugo Chavez ( Venezuela)

h) Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (Iran)

i) Viktor Yushchenko (Ukraine)

j) Nuri Al Maliki (Iraq)

k) Manmohan Singh (India)

l)Guy Verhofstadt(Belgium)

9) The surprise story in 2008 will be:

a) A major scandal in the Bush Administration

b) a major terrorist strike in the US

c)a major breakthrough in energy technology

d)a hotly contested Supreme Court nomination

e)A serious third party in the US presidential race

10) Most likely to do jail time:

a) Barry Bonds

b) OJ Simpson

c) Paris Hilton

d) Johnny Sutton, US Attorney

e) Bernard Kerik

f) Osama bin-Laden

g) Jose Medellin

Well, there you have it JA members. Scroll down for Weekend Monkey, Linda Gruppstein's and my predictions. And have an absolutely wonderful New Year, blessed with health, wealth and happiness!!

Weekend Monkey's predictions:

(1)c, (2) a, (3) a, (4) A, (5)A, (6)D, (7)C, (8)C, (9)A , (10)B

Freedom Fighter's Predictions:

(1)A, (2)A,(3)C, (4)G, (5)B, (6)B, (7)B, (8)A,C, l, (9)C, (10)

Linda Gruppstein's Predictions:

(1)D? (2) A (3) A (4) A (5) A (6)A? (7) ?? (8) A,B,C (9) A (10) C??

See you next year!

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