Thursday, June 17, 2010

Bob Ethridge - Master Of Cong-Fu!!!

IowaHawk strikes again!

It's the middle of the day on a deserted Washington street. You're on your way to a reelection fund raising brunch. Suddenly a gang of crazed camera-wielding teabaggers jump out from the alley and lunge at you with their razor-sharp switchblade questions!

Would YOU know WHAT TO DO?

Don't let panic and confusion put your poll numbers in the hospital - or worse! Fight back with CONG-FU, the exclusive congressional seat-defense system developed by Sensei Bob Etheridge, world renowned Dragon-level 8 term master of Hu-Yu Drunken Tarheel Style! And now you can learn the forbidden fighting secrets of East Carolina in Sensei Bob's new book, "CONG-FU: The Death Touch."

Other campaign methods focus on evasive action like fleeing town halls and throwing cash at problem constituents. But CONG-FU is the only system that attacks the problem at the source -- your opponents' windpipes! End those reelection fears and gain self confidence. With CONG-FU, you'll turn the tables on angry critics by making them flee from you. Order "CONG-FU: The Death Touch" today and by November your constituents will be afraid to pull the lever for anybody else!

For only $19.95, you'll learn the 17 deadly katas of the CONG-FU fighting discipline -- including Hu-Yu, Flip Slap, Ah-Sol palm thrust, wrist grab rabid monkey style, and Nu-Gi -- along with step-by-step illustrations of Sensei Bob rendering attackers speechless. In this exclusive internet offer, we'll also include a free action-packed DVD!

But CONG-FU is more than aggressive disabling attack techniques. Much more! You'll also learn secret defensive countermoves that will let you maintain complete stealth and plausible deniability, while avoiding arrest -- like the Twisting Weasel modified half-apology, and the deadly meme-killing Yu Tu-Be takedown notice. There's even a complete section on concealed media weapons, including tools like Media-Ite, Wa-Po and Dik-Suk.

But don't take our word for it... listen to these testimonials from satisfied customers:

"Before CONG-FU the Tea Partiers had me cowering in fear. Thanks to Sensei Bob, the next time one of those violent bastards demands I explain a health care vote, he's getting filibustered... right in the wingnuts!"
H.R., Capitol Hill

"The amazing CONG-FU system is the ultimate in stealth. Every eye-gouge and chokehold looks like a friendly hug! At least that's what I'm reporting."
D.W., 15th Street

"I just received my copy of CONG-FU in the mail. Wow! I can't wait to start figuring out whose ass to kick!"
B.O., Pennsylvania Avenue

Read the rest here. IowaHawk, deadly master of the killah wit!

please helps me write more gooder!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Disclaimer: Martial Arts Techniques only works on Young adults, Children, but only when they are not fighting back.

Avoid use on anyone who wont be willing to just take it. If the young man was to resist, Bob Ethridge's brittle bones would have turned to Mushy Alcohol drenched dust.