The Golden Girls From Brazil
opening montage / theme
Danke for being a freund
In all those press pools that you once joined
You aren't a Jew, you're almost an Aryan.
And if you threw a Nazi Party
Just like we had in '42
You would see a big old can of Zyklon-B
And the card attached would say danke for being a freund.
Interior shot: a condo at Del Speer's Boca Vista Nazi retirement village, Rio de Janiero. Workmen, supervised by condo board president Rudy Hess, are moving furniture and boxes out.
EVA (to workman)
Careful, careful! Inside that glass jar ist der head of mein leibschen der Fuhrer! Oh, wait. It ist just some hard candy.
(laff track)
LENI
I hate this! Why must ve leave the Fathercondo? This has been our retirement homeland since 1945!
RUDY HESS
Now ladies, you were aware of the condo contract. You haff missed three straight months on your association dues, and dis iss der final solution -- eviction!
(laff track)
INGE
But what are we supposed to do? Do you know hard it iss to get a job when you're a 98 years old Nazi groupie?
RUDY HESS
Perhaps you should haff thought about that before you lost all that confiscated Judengeld playing Friday night bingo!
(laff track)
EVA
The way you grub for money Rudy, I zink you are the Jew!
(audience: oooo-oooh)
RUDY HESS
I will forget you said that Eva, and offer you a deal. As President of the Boca Vista Nazi condo board, I will waive your association fees, permanently. All you haff to do iss giff me the one thing I want.
EVA
No! Never! I would rather shleep in der streets!
RUDY HESS
Can't I just see it? Pretty please? Only a few moments. I will even give you one extra free night here. I promise I won't even touch.
EVA
*sigh* Alright.
Eva lifts red velvet swastika shroud from glass jar containing Hitler's senile head
HITLER'S HEAD
Hee-eere's Adolf!
(laff track)
EVA, INGE, LENI
Heil Hitler!
RUDY HESS (weeping)
Oh, mein Fuhrer! Soon we will be reunited! I shall recapture you like the Sudetenland!
(laff track)
EVA (re-covering Hitler's head)
You've had your look Rudy. Now get out of our bunker and leave us to enjoy our last night in peace.
RUDY HESS
As you vish. Besides, I'm late for ze earlybird special at Schnitzel Garden. But I'll be back here in 24 hours. If you don't want to be carried off by the Condostapo, I suggest you turn over the Fuhrer's head -- or those late association dues!
Rudy leaves to the girls' sneers.
INGE
That vass telling him, Eva! We will never giff up der Fuhrer.
LENI
Yes, I agree. But how can we come up with 2000 Deutschmarks in 24 hours? I can't take 10 minutes out in that sun with my Aryan skin!
(laff track)
EVA
I'm vay ahead of you Leni. Last veek I put an ad on Dolfslist for a new roommate! Look here on der computer. "Vanted: mature retired female 85-105 to share spacious Brazilian condo with three ozzers. Must be quiet, tidy, financially responsible, support global extermination of the vermin Jew. Shuffleboard skills a plus. Respond via email."
INGE
Do you zink it will vork?
LENI
It better -- because it's all ve got!
EVA
Hey look girls! Ve got a response!
Read the rest here....
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