Wednesday, January 26, 2011

The State Of The Union - "I gave You The Dancing, I Gave You the Disease"

"We need to teach them [school children] that success is not a function of fame or PR, but of hard work." - Barack Hussein Obama, SOTU Speech 2011 *gag!* * cough!*

I watch this stuff so you don't have to. President Obama still thinks we're all stupid, frankly. Here's a brief but accurate summary and translation of last night's State of the Union Speech:

"The recession is over. Happy days are here again thanks to me and the tax cuts I passed..and never mind that I fought them tooth and nail. I was against them before I was for them. And look it all the jobs I created!"

"I'm now Mr. Private Enterprise. This is the country of Edison, which is why I want to outlaw his cheap, efficient light bulb and substitute curly fries light bulbs that have mercury in them and create a biohazard if they're broken. It's for the environment. And I want to shovel millions of government dollars at companies run by my political allies to know, inner-vention, especially all those non-existent green jobs that will use unicorn farts to power our cars and our homes. In fact, I'm going to try to use the EPA to see to it that everyone will have to buy the Volt, or something like it - if they can afford to own a car at all, because I plan to continue to prohibit a huge chunk of domestic oil drilling so gas prices and the price of everything shipped by truck goes sky high. And the high speed rail I'm going to somehow find the money to build on the taxpayer's dime is better for the likes of the peasants anyway."

"In fact, I want to increase government spending to rebuild our infrastructure and help prime the unions so they can kick in to my 2012 campaign fund. Oh, I know, the stimulus was supposed to be for building infrastructure at all those shovel ready projects I told everyone were ready to go...what of it? This time, trust me, there are lots of shovel ready projects out there. Deficit? Hey, we'll find the money wherever, y'know?"

"Oh, those oil companies and big business don't count as free enterprise. They're evil, and I want to use the tax code and federal regulations to stifle them, to penalize them, maybe even take them over. Spread the wealth around and beat that class warfare drum."

"Education is good. I want to see lots of you go on to become good, Democrat voting dues paying NTA members.So forget about any notion of school choice while I'm president."

" And speaking of education, we need to pass the DREAM Act. There are thousands of undocumented Democrat votes at stake,dammit!"

"Mouth off all you want about ObamaCare. What the Democrats in the Senate can't stop I'll veto."

"I want to freeze domestic spending for the next five years, to act like I'm a fiscal conservative. Besides it sounds good in a speech and poll tested well. How that's going to work in view of all the other spending I'm telling you tonight I want to do is not something I'm worried about right now."

"I'm all for Social Security reform since I know it's pretty much bankrupt. As long as we don't actually do anything."

"Oh, and those tax cuts I was bragging about earlier? I want them repealed as soon as possible. Like I said, beat that class warfare drum."

"Me do foreign policy good. Look at my success with Iran, Russia and North Korea, hmm?"

"And look, I'm wearing my flag pin now. I am officially patriotic. Is this a great country or what?'

For those of you who think I'm exaggerating, the full text is here. You're welcome to it if you're a masochist with a strong stomach.

And now, after the dancing and the disease, a nice shot of penicillin, courtesy of Paul Ryan:

please helps me write more gooder!


louielouie said...

I watch this stuff so you don't have to.

and i thank you for doing it.

Anonymous said...

You need to watch a bit more because your thick skull seems to be blocking the message.