Feel free to leave your own double entendre in the comments section.
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 30, 2016
The New York Post Strikes Again...
Feel free to leave your own double entendre in the comments section.
Tuesday, November 06, 2012
Man Makes Deathbed Confession To A Murder..And Then Survives!!
This one is so funny I just have to put it up.
James Washington, pictured above had been suspected of murdering Joyce Goodener , who was found stabbed in the neck, beaten to death with a cinderblock and set on fire in an abandoned Nashville, Tennessee house 17 years ago.
But there was no evidence, so he was never convicted.
Washington was incarcerated for a different crime, and had a heart attack while in prison. Figuring he was about to meet his Maker, he decided to confess to a prison guard who was nearby:
'He kind of got as best as he could, motioned, and said "I have something to tell you. I have to get something off my conscience and you need to hear this,"' said transport guard James Tomlinson.
'He said "I killed somebody. I beat her to death,"' Mr Tomlinson added.
Only problem was, after ratting himself out,Washington survived.
He's been convicted, and could receive up to a 51 year sentence, which essentially means he would die in prison.
Who says G-d doesn't have a sense of humor?
Thursday, October 04, 2012
Hilarious - The Infamous Taiwanese Animators Take On Last night's Debate
Ah hah hah hah! Obama in a schoolboy cap being pummeled by Mitt! A must see.
Speaking of pummeling, even Jon Stewart joins in the beat down.
Oh, and for good measure, here's the Onion's take, where 11-year-old Sasha Obama is offering to help the president look for an apparently missing part of his anatomy. (Warning, language)
Wednesday, July 04, 2012
Andy Griffith, RIP
For those of you have seen the old 'Andy Griffith ' show, here's a joke I'm sure Mayberry's Sheriff Andy would have chuckled over...
Thursday, June 07, 2012
Video: The DNC Finds Out Scott Walker Won In Wisconsin
Kinda funny..BTW, 'Das Untergang'(Downfall) where this footage originates from is an incredible film if you haven't seen it.
Thursday, May 03, 2012
Sascha Baron Cohen As General Aladeen on AustralianTelevison - Absolutely Hilarious
Sascha Baron Cohen's new film 'The Dictator' where he plays a Middle Eastern tyrant premiers shortly, and he's in top form here as he appears in character on Australia's 'Today' show. Lots of very adult humor... ( h/t Aussie Dave)
Oh, and here's the trailer, which is hysterical in its own right.
Thursday, February 09, 2012
A Fistful Of Rebates
It’s halftime.
Both teams are in their locker rooms discussing what they can do to win this game in the second half. Diagramming plays. Texting their agents and German supermodel wives. Reviewing Belichick's aerial spy photos.
It’s halftime in America, too. People are hurting, and it isn't because of towel snapping and the ol' Kramergesic-in-the-jockstrap prank. They’re beat up and bruised, and wondering what they’re going to do to make a comeback. We’re all scared, because this isn’t a game. And because we're up against the Dragons and their all-Asia linebacker Hong Kong Chong with his crazy 'roid rage chopsockey chop-blocks.
The people of Detroit know a little something about this. Okay, yeah, so this isn't Detroit, it's actually New Orleans. So sue me. We were supposed to film this in Detroit, but GM rented it out to film their Chevy Truck Apocalypse ad. But imagine this really was Detroit, with all its gritty inspiring he-man decay. When the chips were down we all pulled together, hosed down the streets, and turned up the dramatic shadow lighting. Now Motor City is fighting again - as the world's cheapest location shoot for zombie movies.
Sure, I’ve seen a lot of tough eras, a lot of downturns in my life. I was in 'Every Which Way But Loose,' for crissakes. There were times when we didn’t understand each other, because you complained that I sounded like an emphezema victim who gargled with Grape Nuts. The fog of division, discord, and blame made it hard to see what lies ahead, no matter how hard I squinted.
Dammit, somebody get me a throat lozenge.
But after those trials, we all rallied around what was right, and acted as one. Did you see me bitch and whine after 30 takes with a smelly orangutan? No. I sucked it up and yelled 'action' one more time. Because that’s what we do. We find a way through tough times, and if we can’t find a way, then we’ll call the trainer and order another orangutan, one that doesn't throw its turds at the union crew.
All that matters now is what’s ahead. How do we come from behind? How do we come together? And, how about we slip a couple hundred bucks to the ref?
Detroit’s showing us it can be done. Just like Sergio Leone did with Spaghetti Westerns, It's reinventing a dying American institution with a fistful of dollars from sleazy Italians - and with me at the top of the marquee.
You're seeing the results in innovative new cars like this pink Fiat 500 J-Lo Edition. Maybe it's not a Gran Torino, but it's made in Torino. Or Ontario, or something. The important point is this: you buy one of these Italian-Canadian babies, and you'll be getting Chrysler the cash it needs to pay back the loans to the government that pays the bills for everybody in this whole city.
The one and only Iowahawk,of course. Read the rest here
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Wednesday, July 06, 2011
IowaHawk's Twitter Questions For Obama ?!?!
As you probably know,President Obama (or more likely, one of his designated Czars) decided to spend some time on Twitter answering questions via the #AskObama hashtag...and the one and only IowaHawk definitely has some :
An $8 billion high speed train leaves Chicago for Iowa City at 8:15am at 40mph. Why?
If shovel-ready projects create jobs, wouldn't spoon-ready projects create even more jobs?
How come you haven't made unemployment illegal? #duh
Instead of making cars get 62 mpg, why not 62 million mpg? Also, do something about the gravitational constant.
Don't you just hate going through those TSA lines? And hey, what about that airline food?
Serious question: what's the biggest hardship you've ever dealt with in your life?
Have you ever had a menial job, changed your own oil, or fixed a toilet?
Subtract Malia's age from the number of states. Multiply the result by the number of jobs saved or created.
Math wasn't your strong suit, was it?
I let my Mexican drug lord license expire. Am I still eligible for the free machine gun program?
When you're visiting his volcano lair, does George Soros let you feed the laser sharks?
The staffer who suggested this Twitter Town Hall is fired, isn't he?
Are you smart enough to create a problem so big that even you could not solve it?
Why isn't your cabinet unionized?
If Joe Biden has a massive stroke, (a) do you have a replacement in mind, and (b) how would you tell?
Is there any job you'd be better at than president?
If you ever had a yard sale, how much would you ask for those styrofoam Greek columns?
More goodies over at the link.
Thursday, April 07, 2011
One Awesome Obituary!
Something absolutely wonderful from Oklahoma:
Love it! G-dspeed, Mr. Unsworth...RIP.
A resounding high five to long time Joshua's Army member Louie Louie for this one!
Love it! G-dspeed, Mr. Unsworth...RIP.
A resounding high five to long time Joshua's Army member Louie Louie for this one!
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Russian bomb Squad Called Out To Defuse... A Sex Toy
When employees at a post office in Northwest Russia heard a ticking noise emanting from a package, they thought 'bomb' and called in a bomb squad.
They found... a vibrator.
The incident took place at Petrozavodsk in the republic of Karelia and followed a call from a postal worker who had identified a suspect package, a police spokeswoman told AFP by phone.
"The post building was ringed by the security forces and people were evacuated," she said.
"In the package the bomb squad found a vibrator."
The sex toy had apparently been turned on "by accident".
An argument broke out afterwards between male postal employees and members of the bomb squad on who was going to deliver the package personally to the female recipiant.
I may mistranslated that last part. Or something.
Friday, March 11, 2011
The Latest LATMA - Cutting Edge Israeli Political Satire
Ooh, they're not too pleased with Netanyahu, I can tell you that!
The Bibibeats, btw are a satire on the popular vocal group the MaccaBeats.
Enjoy!
Too Much Ice, Not Enough Vodka
Michal Kawolski had been drinking with pals at the Polish port of Gdansk and came up with a briliant/stupid drunken idea( is there any other kind?).....'Hey, I bet that ice floe in the harbor is strong enough to hold me up.'
"We dared him to do it and it seemed like a good idea after a few hours of drinking," said one friend. I'll bet.
Then the ice floe broke away from the shore and Kowalski floated out to sea, still clutching a bottle of vodka. And Kowalski's buddies started laughing even harder.
"There was a loud crack and then he started to float away. We thought it was funny at first but then he started to scream for help."
Kawolski's buddies ran over to the local Coast Guard station, who had already spotted Kowalski bobbing past one of their observation posts.
"He had drifted about a kilometre out to sea by the time we got him. But we were able to get him to safety and he spent the night in hospital being treated for hypothermia," said coastguard spokesman Captain Adam Taflinski.
Definitely too much ice and not enough vodka.Or something.
So tell me...what's the dumbest thing you've ever done while drunk?
Wednesday, March 09, 2011
Iowahawk In Action!
Via Twitter:
iowahawkblog Every $1 the govt spends on NPR is $1 it can't spend on school lunch programs. Why does NPR want inner city children to go hungry?
iowahawkblog Every $1 the govt spends on NPR is $1 it can't spend on school lunch programs. Why does NPR want inner city children to go hungry?Wednesday, February 09, 2011
One Of Ann Coulter's Funniest Columns To Date
A laugh-out-loud masterpiece...especially in view of the CPAC kerfluffle:
I've been finishing my next book and only able to catch bits and pieces of the news this month, but, based on what I've heard from the mainstream media, I'm pretty sure the conservative movement is now being led either by Jared Loughner or GOProud's president, Chris Barron.
In honor of the gays who have come out of the closet as Republicans to be one of the 140 sponsors of CPAC 2011, I thought I'd run one of the interviews I gave before speaking to GOProud last September, which the reporter never ran after wasting my time.
This is also in honor of The New York Times reporter who wasted my time by writing an article -- or at least a headline, which is as far as I got -- on my speech to the gays that specifically required knowing absolutely nothing about me.
Moreover, I'm feeling like the tea party is stealing my thunder again this week, so it's time to suck up to the gays! (That's from the Times' headline.)
* * *
Hi, Ann. I'm a feature writer for (a mainstream media publication), e-mailing per Chris Barron. Doing a story on the "new" gay left and "new" gay right (Get Equal, GOProud). Questions below my signature. Happy to talk on the phone if you like. Otherwise, feel free to respond via e-mail as tersely or verbosely as you like. My deadline is 6 p.m. tomorrow. Thanks in advance for your thoughts.
(1) How often do you give speeches?
Constantly. And whenever someone cuts me off in traffic I usually have some extemporaneous remarks. But if you mean in front of an audience, about a dozen times a year.
(2) Have you ever spoken to an LGBT group or attended an LGBT event before?
Yes. I call them "Ann Coulter book signings." You have no idea how many of my fans are gay.
(3) Can you give me a general preview of what you plan to say at Homocon?
I usually start with my version of "Over the Rainbow," then I take it from there.
(4) (I'm told) you yourself came up with the "right-wing Judy Garland" line; why'd you describe yourself like that?
It was in answer to Grover Norquist's e-mail telling me I was by far GOProud's No. 1 choice as their first speaker. I said: "Duh. I'm the right-wing Judy Garland." (I wanted to be the right-wing Patti LaBelle, but Ken Mehlman beat me to it.)
(4b) Do you plan to sing?
Honestly, it depends on the money. We'll pass the hat and let the chips fall where they may.
(5) Can you lay out your stance on marriage equality (Prop 8, DOMA) and DADT?
I'm against gay marriage, but that's no offense to gays. It is just in defense of a crucial linchpin of civilization that's already hanging by a thread.
(6) Are gay rights part and parcel with basic conservatism? If so, why are so many elected Republicans so skittish/unsupportive about the subject? If not, tell me why.
No, we don't generally care for identity politics of any sort, much less hearing about people's sex lives, even Nino Scalia's. (And judging by the number of children he has, it's pretty active.) Conservatives believe in individual rights, low tax rates, fighting terrorism and punishing criminals -- so do gays! They also happen to believe Judy Garland was the most underappreciated and misunderstood person in the history of show business. I don't think most gays care about gay marriage; they like going to the gay marriage meeting because it's a good way to meet other gays.
(7) Why attend and speak at Homocon?
Why lie? I'm in the market for a new hair stylist.
And it gets better from there..enjoy yourselves, but be careful not to read this one with a mouthful of liquid.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Friday, December 10, 2010
Jon Stewart On Banks, 'Quantitative Easing' And The Fed..
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
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(Hat tip, Louie Louie)
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Comedy Gold! Alvin Greene Interviewed By MSNBC'S Larry O'Donnell!
Man, this speaks for itself!
Some side points...note MSNBC's little "Deposing DeMint" logo at the bottom of the screen. So much for a fair and balanced news network, hmm? And I love how O'Donnell says that Greene is 'still the best choice for South Carolina' after this debacle.
And oh, Mr. O'Donnell? Get MessNBC to hire you some writers so that you don't have to continue to rely on snide Christine O'Donnell witch jokes. They weren't even funny the first time.
I'm just sayin'
Thursday, August 12, 2010
John Stewart On Charlie Rangel..Absolutely Hilarious Vid !
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
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