Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Weekend Monkey: Let's play `You're the Qadi!'

Hidey ho, Primates!

Weekend Monkey has been working on a coupla killer interviews for the Real Banana, as well as doing in-depth interviews for my new intern position. But have I forgotten you? No way!

Today, I have a real treat in store for you..a fun quiz for your enjoyment called `You're the Qadi'!

A Qadi is an Islamic judge versed in sharia Islamic law, and you get to be one. Answer these questions and test your knowledge of the time tested wisdom of Islamic jurisprudence and win a prize!

These are all real cases with real rulings.

And , of course, let's have a shout out to our fun loving contest judges, Ibn-Habish and Ali Boobah!

Watch out, Primates...some of these questions are harder than you think! Pick the answer you think is most correct according to sharia.

1) Omar and Aminah are the son and daughter of the recently deceased Ali, who left an estate valued at $75,000 dinars. Ali left no will, and they are arguing over the split. What's yer ruling?

a) Fifty/fifty

b) 1/3 to the court, 1/3 to each heir.

c) Omar gets it all

d) Omar gets 75%. Aminah gets 25%

2) Omar (also known as `Lefty' because of a previous conviction) is accused by Joseph, a Christian, of stealing from his store. Joseph claims he caught Omar leaving the shop with Joseph's merchandise in his pocket, and Ali, another Christian was a witness. What's yer ruling?

a) Omar is guilty and will have to figure out a new strategy for picking his nose and wiping his bottom.

b) There's no case.

c) Joseph and Ali are sentenced to fifty lashes each for defaming a Muslim.

d) Omar is guilty, but because the theft was from a Christian he is only sentenced to fifty lashes rather than another amputation. Allah is compassionate.

3) Jihad al-Tahami sent his wife Alia a text message over her cell phone saying `I divorce thee, I divorce thee, I divorce thee' locked her out of the house and is refusing to let her see the kids. She has come to you for legal redress. What's yer ruling?

a) the divorce is not legal, Alia is entitled to access to her children, and the couple must undergo counseling with an imam and come before the Qadi again before the divorce can be legal.

b) The divorce is legal, but Alia is entitled to see her children and take her property out of the house.

c) Jihad and Alia must both come before the Qadi to for a ruling for the divorce to be legal.

d) The divorce is legal, and Alia needs to stop wasting the Qadi's time and get on with life.

4) Some local Christians were doing a badly needed repair on their church, and a board fell off the building. Omar claims the board hit him and he was injured, even though no one but Omar saw this happen and there are no bruises, cuts or marks on Omar. What's yer ruling?

a) Omar has no proof the board hit him, since no one saw it and he has no obvious no case.

b) Omar is entitled to damages

c) You call the head of the church into court and ask to see proof that the repairs were permitted, and base your ruling on his answer.

d) The head of the church is imprisoned for assaulting a Muslim. And the church must pay damages to Omar.

5) Mumtaz, a young Muslim woman, claims she was raped by Ibrahim, a married Muslim man. Maryam, her sister claims she saw Ibrahim running from the scene of the crime right after it occurred. Ibrahim claims he was nowhere near Mumtaz. What's yer ruling?

a) This is a situation that would most likely never come before the Qadi

b) You decree that, since it is likely that Ibrahim did in fact rape Mumtaz, they must marry to preserve Islamic justice and order. Just to make sure, you have Ibrahim `interrogated' to get to the truth, as the law allows.

c) There is insufficient evidence for a ruling.

d) Ibrahim must pay damages to Mumtaz's family.

6) Isaac, a Jew, comes before the court claiming he was assaulted and robbed by Mohammed, a Muslim. There was a Muslim policeman who witnessed the crime and has testified to the court that he saw the crime take place. He also testifies that at the time of the crime, he saw Isaac dressed in ordinary clothing. What's yer ruling?

a) Mohammed loses a hand as a warning those who would disturb the Peace of Islam.

b) Because Isaac is a Jew, Mohammed is let off with a mere fifty lashes and must return what he stole to Isaac.

c) Mohammed is imprisoned

d) Mohammed loses a hand as a thief. And Isaac is sentenced to one hundred lashes because he was not dressed in the distinctive clothing denoting that he was a Jew. Allah's justice is served.

7) Ali, a Christian, comes to you for justice. He claims that his young virgin daughter Sarai was forcibly kidnapped off the street by a group of Muslim youths, held against her will and assaulted until she agreed to become a Muslima and marry the ringleader. Yakub, the head of the gang , tells you that Sarai came there of her own free will, has converted to Islam and is now one of his wives. An imam has confirmed that Sarai did indeed recite the shaheedah (`there is no G-d but Allah, and Mohammed is his prophet') in his presence.

Ali asks that you bring Sarai into court to hear her side of this, and complains that Sarai has not been permitted to see her family since she was kidnapped. Ali also quotes the Qu'rannic verse to you about there being no compulsion in religion. What do you say, Qadi?

a) You bring Sarai into court to hear her testimony, and will base your final ruling on that.

b) The marriage and the conversion to Islam must stand, but you tell Yakub that she must be permitted to see her family.

c) You rule that the marriage and conversion are perfectly legal and will stand and that nothing Sarai would say would have any bearing on the matter. As a matter of fact, Ali should be proud that his daughter has now embraced the true faith. What's more, Sarai must have her husband's permission to have any contact with her Christian family. And you issue a stern rebuke t0 Ali for wasting the court's time and for presuming to quote the Holy Qu'ran to you, an Islamic scholar and tell him that it is only by the mercy of Allah that you do not order him whipped.

8) Eva is a ferenghi (foreigner)who accepted a ride home from a nightclub from two Muslim men. She went to the police and charged the two men with rape, claiming they pulled the car into a remote street and forced her to have sex with them. Her clothes and physical condition bear this out.The two Muslim men, one of whom is married, admitted taking her in their car from the club and admitted having sex with her, but claim that it was consensual. What's yer ruling, Qadi?

a) In view of the victim's physical condition, the sex was obviously not `consensual.' The two men will `interrogated' as the law allows and be punished for rape and battery after their confession.

b) Since the woman is a non-Muslim, her testimony cannot be admissible in a sharia court. Case dismissed!

c) Since the woman is a foreigner and got into the car willingly , the men will not be punished for rape as such but will pay monetary damages for `assault'.

d) This woman has admitted having sex with a married man out of her own mouth. She is an adulteress and will be imprisoned and suffer the traditional punishment of stoning as an example to others, ya Allah!

9)Mohammed is brought before you, charged with assault for knocking a Jew off a horse without any apparent provocation. Several witnesses saw this occur. Mohammed claims he is innocent of any crime. What's yer ruling?

a) Mohammed is guilty - witnesses saw the crime and he will be punished with fifty lashes.

b) Mohammed is guilty and will have to pay money to the Jew for damages.

c) Mohammed is innocent under sharia.

d) Mohammed will not be punished for assaulting a Jew, but will be lashed for lying to a Qadi.

10)Abdul borrowed money from Achmed to go on the haj (pilgrimage to Mecca) and promised Hamid that he would repay the money within a month of his return, plus give him a color TV from his shop as a bonus. Witnesses have confirmed the agreement. Abdul returned the money as scheduled but refuses to give Achmed the TV. Achmed wants the TV as promised or the cash equivalent. What do you say, Qadi?

a) Abdul must comply. A deal's a deal.

b) As Qadi, you rule that the men must arbitrate their differences, come to an agreement and appear before you in 10 days' time..when you will hear what they have agreed on and give your ruling.

c) Achmed has committed an offense under sharia, and will pay a fine to the court.

Well, there it is, Primates! The answers will appear Friday. And remember, there's a PRIZE for the lucky winner who gets the highest score!



Anonymous said...

while trying to be clever, i think this post has a lot of information and meaning.
what i think, is ff was putting the information together for another one of his informative postings, and chimp boy stole it and posted it.
chimpy was obviously off slacking someplace.
just like chimp boy always does.

Anonymous said...

`Chimp boy',huh?

Do you know the right answers to these questions? I bet not.

Post `em if you've got a pair, Louie and I'll let you know if you won on Friday

Anonymous said...

Ok here goes...

1-b 2-c 3-b 4-d 5-b 6-b 7-b 8-b
9-d 10-b

What do I win?

Ahab the AY-Rab

Anonymous said...

Methinks you made a mistake on #1. You say that Ali died, yet somehow he gets the inheritance in two of the options. Assuming that you mean Omar instead of Ali, here are my answers.
1-C Omar all the way.
2-C Christians are polygamists, don't ya know? Allahu Ahkbar!
3-D As crazy as that sounds, a Muslim man can really do that to this wife. Not exactly a hallmark of chivarly, eh?
4-D A Christian's word vs. a Muslim's word? Case settled. Next.
5-B Not sure about this one. I'm tempted to go with A, but that seems even less likely.
6-D Allah's justice indeed.
7-C This one's a no-brainer. One more slave for Allah and his boy Moe.
8-B Everyone knows that you can only trust Muslims, and that infidels, especially female infidels are dirty liars and sluts. Allah is great!
9-D Why did he even bother lying? He only assaulted a Jew after all, perfectly legal that is. He should have been smarter than to lie, and for his stupidity he will receieve some well-deserved lashes.
10-A Since both men are Muslims, the deal stands. If the deal was made to a jooo, on the other hand...

Well, there it is. Can't wait to see my winnings.

Anonymous said...

1) c
2) c
3) d
4) d
5) c
6) d
7) c
8) b
9) d

Anonymous said...

from a different thread, i will, at ff insistance respond.
but first, i want to reference monkey boy's comment regarding my having a pair, i am sure was referring to my genitalia, whereas, if i referred to chimpy having a pair, we all would know i would be referring to the number of brain cells he has.
alas, i won't be participating in the quiz. i will be the miniscule fringe part of joshua's army that refuses.
put me down for a's across the board.
chimpy is right about one thing, i do not understand mid-east logic/reasoning.
all i could offer would be to obfuscate the posting by offering the following story:
as i have previously stated, when i went to work for this guy in 1990, he was single sourcing all the components used to fabricate the oil/gas production type equipment we were building. he would get a bid from the same guy every time and call him back and make him come down on the price 10%.
doesn't take long to recognize a horseshoe.
when i came on the scene, i got bids from several different suppliers. parviz got hold of the list, contacted each, and told them to come down on their prices.
they all did.
the person we placed the order with was the same person he had ordered from all along. his price was the highest of all the competitors.
because he had come down the largest "increment" in the discount.
as i previously stated, i do not understand mid-east logic, nor do i care to.
not even to allow chimpy the glee of pounding me in the sand.

one other thing though, nazar really got into the quiz thing. i can only imagine what chimpy will offer as a prize...........

Anonymous said...

Remember one thing, Louie. I'm Weekend Monkey and you're not.It's just like John Kerry told me, when you become a public figure people envy you.

I bet FF that you were too stoopid to get the right answers on at least half of these questions. Looks like I was right,huh?

Prove me wrong, Primate before you start mouthing off about brain cells, OK?

Hee hee hee!

Clovis Sangrail said...

I finally managed to find time to do this! I had to print Weekend Monkey's quiz and hide in the bathroom to attempt it, though.

I have to admit, WM, that this quiz-thing made me feel a bit schizo. For most of the questions, there's an answer I believe is right, and then there's one I fear is right. So I'm going to try and be a good boy and answer honestly (then I'll put the answer I fear in brackets).
Here goes:

1. d. After all, those daughters are pretty unimportant compared to sons, right? (c is what I fear).

2. b. Hey they're dhimmis and what does their evidence count against that of a muslim? (c is what I fear again. Maybe if they're not to be believed then they're also to be punished for lying)

3. b. That's certainly all it takes. (d. I fear that she loses her property and access to her children but I can't believe it.)

4. b. Same argument as number 2. (d - same argument as number 2.)

5. a. I can't believe that the girl's sister would do this to her, since I think Mumtaz'd be very likely to be found guilty of adultery and stoned (you need four male witnesses to establish rape, not one female witness).
(In this case, my fear and belief coincide!).

6. b. After all, it's only a stinking Joooo. (d. Not just a Jooooo, but a jumped-up, trying for civilised Joooo)

7. c. What can I say, the ends justify the means. This way Sarai is saved. (c. again)

8. c. There are no witnesses but the woman is a ferenghi and we don't want too much trouble (d. Just like number 5.)

9. b. But not much money because it's only a Jooo(d. because the Joooo shouldn't have been riding a horse, as it's insufficiently servile, and puts him higher than a Muslim. But, Mohammed really shouldn't have lied to the Qadi).

10. c. Stupid, stupid Achmed. By asking to get back more than he lent he's effectively asking for interest and that's filthy, stinking usury and is strictly forbidden by the Quran!
(c. I can't fear any worse).