Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Weekend Monkey Up In New Iowa Poll!

In an surprising turnaround, a new poll conducted by Iowa State University has placed underdog candidate Weekend Monkey in fourth place among preferences of Iowa Democrats.

It shows frontrunner Senator Hillary Clinton with 26%, ex-Senator John Edwards with 21.5%, Senator Barack Obama with 19% and Weekend Monkey with 11.4%. New Mexico governer Bill Richardson was next with 9.1%.

The poll was composed of responses from 800 likely Democrat voters, and has an error margin of +/- 1%.

Reactions to the new poll were mixed.

Senator Barack Hussein Obama was particularly outspoken. "I make it a point never to be affected by polls or let them get in the way of the politics of hope. And if that little son of a bitch Weekend Monkey calls me Obama Yo' Mama or talks about my ears one more time, I'm going to have my security thugs beat him to a halal pulp."

Senator Clinton remarked that the new poll merely emphasizes that her message continues to gain ground and lead in Iowa.

" This poll just emphasizes that the country is ready for new leadership, and I'm it...y'know what Ahm sayin'?"

Governer Richardson was quoted as saying that he wanted to send Weekend Monkey to Darfur with a one way ticket `for peace', and mentioned concern over the Weekend Monkey campaign's cooperation with police prosecution of Hispanic activists after an alleged burrito throwing incident in downtown Los Angeles.

Weekend Monkey Campaign spokesperson Linda Grupstein placed the increased emphasis on college events, targeting younger voters and Weekend Monkey's stance on increased price subsidies for ethanol and on the immigration controversy as the key to his Iowa strategy.

"Uh..yeah, we've been doing the colleges a lot. As a matter of fact, we were at Iowa State just the other day, hangin' out with the poli sci peeps who were doing that poll thingy. It's been a lot of fun and all, and Monkey has been really workin' the college crowds with his free tuition policy.

I think the new poll just kinda shows his appeal to the average Iowa voter, and its like, this small little state where Monkey can grab the protest vote like a ripe banana."

And America's Monkey continues to creep through the jungle that is politics...


Anonymous said...

uh, shouldn't the heading of this essay be:
Weekend Monkey Up On New Iowa Poll!

get it? UP ON A POLL!
get it?

and did st. obama actually call chimp boy a son-of-a-bitch?
it looks as though st. obama and i can at least agree on chimpy's family history.

And America's Monkey continues to creep through the jungle that is politics...

and finally, if ff would replace
continues to with the phrase is a that sentence would read correctly.

Anonymous said...

Bite the rotten banana, Louie Louie.It's knuckledraggers like you that inspire me to climb to the top of the tree.

Believe me, when I'm in the White House there's going to be changes.

After some nasty tax audits and eminent domain confiscations, that ratbag Kerry will be our envoy to Gaza, and YOU are going to be a presidential observer in our experimental mission in Spitsbergen.

Dress warm, ch...ump.

Yours For Victory in `08,

Weekend Monkey

Anonymous said...

What if he really wins??

Does this become Planet Of The Apes?