Monday, February 04, 2008

The Real Banana With Weekend Monkey - Sooper Dooper Tuesday Edition

FF: Now it's time to creep once again through the fetid political jungle with JoshuaPundit's own political guru, my pal Weekend Monkey.

WM: Hideyho,Primates!

FF: Well, the campaign has certainly taken an interesting turn. Here we are on the eve of Super Tuesday with the field narrowed down to two candidates per party, essentially..

WM: Yeah, and they're fighting like crazed pit bulls over a chihuahua carcass!

FF: Not the image I would have chosen, exactly,but not at all inaccurate. By the way, speaking of dogfights, how did you do on the Superbowl? I know you had the Giants and five points..that must have been sweet.

WM:Hee hee hee hee! I made out like a freakin' bandit! Remember, I told you to come in with me, FF.This monkey knows a sure thing when he smells it.

FF: Well, I'm not quite as much into gambling as you are, Monkey. I take it you put a chunk of the loot you 've been making handicapping the political races on the Giants to win...

WM: Well, yee-eahh, but to tell the truth I figured the Pats to win, but only by a coupla points max or maybe a field goal. When I saw a line of Giants plus 5, I layed bigtime!

FF: Seems like a wise choice, but then you been pretty lucky all year when it comes to gambling. People still ask me how you managed to predict Hillary's win in New Hampshire.

So, let's talk a little bit about where things are now.

WM: Okey-dokey, FF. Let's start with my Democrats. Y'know you were right about Barbie dropping out. I figured he'd hang until the convention.

FF: Yeah,I was pretty sure Edwards would go right after South Carolina if he didn't do well.What did you think about George Soros getting Teddy and Kerry to shill for Obama?

WM: Well they hadda do something! The Clintons had pretty much marginalized Obama Yo' Mama as the Official Black Candidate.

FF: So you agree with me that they brought in Teddy to try and stop the hemorrhaging of the Hispanic vote towards Hillary?

WM: Yeah,like I said before I think it smells right. Pretty good politics.

FF: And a pretty sleazy way to play the race card, if you ask me.

WM: Hey, Obama Yo' Mama was stoopid enough to fall into the trap on that Martin Luther King deal of Shrillary's in the first place. They were both playing the race card. If he hadn't put his people on it, it would all have passed away like a fart in the night. That's politics FF.

FF: Anything to say about your ex-backers John Kerry and Teddy Kennedy,Monkey?

WM: They both bite the rotten banana. And I love the way they got that middle aged doofus Caroline and Patrick the drunk in on the circus parade.

FF: So, numbers, Monkey.

WM: For my Donkeys, I still see it going for Shrillary - She'll win California, New York, New Jersey, and the rest of the Northeast,although Obama will get some delegates. She'll also take Arizona and New Mexico and Texas, because of the Latino vote.Obama Yo' Mama will take Illinois,and he'll be competitive in a couple of the southern states with a higher percentage of black democrats, like Alabama and Missisippi and Georgia but that's it. Shrillery will get a big chunk of the Mountain and Midwest delegates too,enough to put her pretty well out in front but not quite enough to seal the deal. I think the so-called `Obama surge' is too little and too late.

Obama Yo' Mama's biggest screw up came from his being a freakin' amateur. He peaked too soon, read too many of his own press releases and figured he could get away with murder. Now, he's scrambling to try to play catch up but he just doesn't have enough time. Good riddance!

FF: And the Republicans?

WM: Whooo,FF! The Rethugs are goin' ape-poopy! Do you really think a lot of `em are going to sit out the election if McCain gets the nomination? Because it looks like the year of the grumpy old Rethug from where I sit..

FF: They are indeed, Monkey.And there's even some talk of bolting from the GOP and creating a whole new party for 2012.And I have to agree with you. There's a great deal about John McCain I don't care for,but he's easily the most electable Republican candidate,thanks to George W. Bush.

WM: I agree about the electable part, but how do you figure it's Bush's fault?

FF: Are you kidding Monkey? By his actions as President,Bush destroyed the Republican party, split it into warring camps.And among independents and lots of comservatives, Bush is hideously unpopular.Because McCain ran against Bush in 2000, because he was jousting with Bush on things like Gitmo and spending and because he was pushing for the surge in Iraq a long time before the Bush Administration did anything like that,McCain is seen as the anti-Bush candidate without actually coming out and criticizing the president openly. That's where a big chunk of his support is coming from - people who really, really dislike George Bush.None of the others had the guts or the foresight to run against the policies of the Bush Administration, except Ron Paul, and he has other problems.

WM: I'll say! I gotta admit,I never thought about McCain being the anti-Bush candidate,but it makes some sense. I figured it was mostly Romney and Huckabuck splitting the conservative vote.

FF: Maybe to a slight degree, but remember, a lot of Huckabee's supporters would never vote for Romney,either because they figure him as a johnny-come-lately to conservative positions or because he's a Mormon. Nah...McCain is winning based on the amount of independents and anti-Bush votes. Plus, at this point, he's been annointed by the GOP establishment,I think.And as far as I'm concerned,Romney isn't electable anyway even if he got the nomination, unless he really catches fire.

WM:Yeah, I don't see him getting the nod from the elephants anyway. He and McCain will split California, but McCain will win New York,Illinois, Jersey and most of the northeast,plus Texas and New Mexico and whatever southern delegates Huckapoo doesn't suck up. Romney looks like taking Massachusetts and Utah, and not much else.

FF: I have to admit,I prefer Romney or Huckabee, but that's reee-eal long odds.

WM: You like Huckapoo???

FF: Yeah,kind of.He sort of reminds me of the way you started out,just getting out there and talking to the people and operating his campaign with no money on a shoestring. Of course, he's been more successful at it.

WM: That's right, rub it in FF.

FF: No, no hateration,Monkey. I just feel like he was the real outsider in this campaign, I think he was a relatively honest guy and I liked a lot of what he had to say...although I didn't agree with him on everything.He just struck me as a decent human being.

WM: He was funny, I'll give you that.

FF: Out of the three Republican candidates remaining, he's the only one I'd want to have over to the house just to socialize with.Although I think I might like Romney if I had a chance to sit down with him and actually get him to open up and drop the mask. But McCain seems like the kind of guy who would sit there having a drink with you one minute and the next minute all of a sudden go bats on you and toss it in your face.Although that could be a good thing, if we're talking about folks like Iran!

WM: So we pretty much agree, I guess, after tommorow, it will pretty much be McCain and Shrillary, huh?

FF: Looks that way. But let's remember,it's politics and anything can happen..and Obama will probably take it all the way to the convention and try and stampede things.

WM: I wanna see a catfight at the Donkey Convention between Shrillery and Michelle Obama, hee hee!

FF: On that high note,I think we'll close,Monkey. Until next time.

WM: Bye, FF. See ya around, Primates!

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