Friday, February 23, 2007

Weekend Monkey speaks at Columbia University

Weekend Monkey gets an enthusiastic response from the students of Columbia U.

Weekend Monkey's campaign for the Democratic nomination continues to gather momentum.

The following are some abridged remarks of his from a tape of a speech he gave last week at Columbia University:

"Primates, friends and supporters..I stand before you today as one of your own, a member of the inter-species rainbow coalition involved in breaking new ground for my fellow monkeys, for you primates and for America! (Thumps chest) {....)

I stand for the underdog, the other America, the little guy. I offer a monkey, not an echo. The primate who yearns to swing through the jungle of life at the top of the tree.

I see before me energetic young primates, thirsty for what I have to offer, unfilled vessels scratching at the armpits of destiny in this new America I envision...and I, Weekend Monkey want to bathe in the trough, to be a part of helping you primates exude the smell of success so that we can, together, build this new America.

As your president, I would immediately offer government subsidized college tuitions to all qualified primates, lowering university fees to a nominal $200 per semester and eliminating species-ist admission policies..because I have a dream of an America where a primate is judged by his place on the evolutionary chain, not the content or color of his skin or fur! (Wild, sustained applause).

As president, I will introduce legislation to help every primate who was so desperate to come here that they had to mortgage their future with a student loan!
(wild cheers)

I ask for your support, not for myself...but for every primate and subspecies in America, the ones who are shut out of the current apartheid university system and shut out of the mainstream of American life....Say it loud, say it proud, no primate left behind! (crowd, ecstatic, applauding, begin waving whiskey bottles...chanting `no primate left behind!')

Some see things as they are and say `why'? I see things as they ought to be and say gimmee!
I am the outsider candidate..I'm more outside than any one!

Today, I stand before to ask for your help in bringing my dream about...if not for me,than for yourselves, your professors and your tuition and student loans...on to Washington!

(standing O, followed by Weekend Monkey leading a number of students singing what I suppose is the Weekend Monkey Official Campaign song:)

(sung to the tune of `The Camptown Ladies' march tempo, fortissimo)

We need a leader we can trust

Doo Dah, Doo Dah

Someone who is one of us

Oh, Dee Doo Dah Day

Monkey is the one!

A brand new day has come

Weekend Monkey for president...

On to Washington!!

I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen and heard it. This is getting scary....and I didn't see a word about this in the dinosaur media . No wonder Vilsack decided to bow out.

I need a little time to recover...see you in 24 or so.


Anonymous said...

hey monkey boy, if you substitute the "dah" with other "doo", the true meaning of your campaign will come out in the song.

Anonymous said...

Well he certainly appears to have a devoted following. Only trouble is, most college students prefer to get wasted on election day than vote.

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