Weekend Monkey in New Hampshire
I recently had a chance to have a conversation with Weekend Monkey to find out how things are going on the campaign trail..here's a transcript:
FF: Well, hello, Weekend Monkey? How are you?
WM: Fine, fine FF! How's by you?
FF: Ok, I guess. How's the campaign coming?
WM:It's good, it's all good..I'm in New Hampshire this week.
FF: Isn't it a bit early....
WM: Hey, the primates need a chance to get to know me...kind of a meet n' greet.
FF: What made you decide to run?
WM: It's like I said at the press conference...I saw an opportunity here and the primates are howling for leadership. And I'm just the monkey to do it!
FF: Y'know, if you were doing a press conference at the Roosevelt with free booze, you could have at least invited me.
WM: uh...well, FF,no hard feelings but we were operating on a umm... limited budget and we thought we stick to people with, y'know,more of a mainstream national audience...
FF: Fine, Monkey. If that's how it is, that's how it is.
WM: Look, I'm sorry, OK? Don't get snippy. I probably should have invited you and I'll make it up to you..
FF: Well, OK, no hard feelings. Besides, I'm pulling for you to win the Democratic nomination, at least. What's next on the agenda....and by the way, where are you getting the money to run a campaign? Did you do something illegal, Monkey?
WM: Hey,look, everything's all nice and aboveboard, OK? Teddy gave me some money from one of his PACS and I got a lot more from my pal, Senator John Kerry.
FF: Kerry gave YOU money!?!!#
WM: Yeah, something about him having to get rid of a few bucks because of the campaign finance laws, now that he's not running any more. Whaddya want him to do, give it to Hillary Clinton or Barack yo' mama? Besides, I've been getting other donors, and if I do good in the primaries, I could make enough to fund my lifestyle for a long, long time.
FF: So that's your angle...who do you think you are, Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton?
WM: Hey, neither of them have jobs, but they stay in the best hotels, ride limos and eat at the best places. I just figured out how they do it and I want a little of the same action. Is that a crime? Besides, I have some really good ideas and I think this monkey can make a difference and help the primates.
FF: By the way, Monkey, if I were you I'd watch myself, especially in how you talk about the other candidates. That can backfire bad. And I heard some reporters at your press conference took exception to the little joke you made about Helen Thomas' rack..though I have to admit it made me laugh!
WM: You and almost everybody else in the room, FF! Screw `em if they can't take a joke. As for the other candidates, I think they need to make allowances to account for the effect of
species- ism and racism on me..I'm the victim here. Part of the aim of my campaign is to strike a blow for Monkeys everywhere for equal rights and treatment.
FF: `Species - ism' and racism? You have been listening to Al and Jesse. So what's your next step?
WM: Well, I'm still firming up a campaign staff, and I'm going to make a few speeches and do some of the talk shows..
FF: Yeah, I bet 'Hardball' and `Larry King' would have you on in a heartbeat. Anyway, keep me posted, and best of luck on the campaign trail.
WM: Thanks, FF..you take care, OK?
A Monkey travels on to his appointment with destiny....