Thursday, September 08, 2011

Looking At The Debate... And The Return Of Weekend Monkey

Last night,the GOP had their first real debate of the 2012 campaign, and as always, I watch these things so you don't have to. Joining me today is former Democrat presidential candidate and Joshuapundit's political guru and handicappper Weekend Monkey:

WM:Good to be back, Robbo

RM: Nice to have you back, Monkey. Well, they say Labor Day kicks off the campaign season, and that definitely seems to be true this year. What were your impressions of last night's Republican debate?

WM: Dee-bate Shmee-bate. Look, I normally don't pay too much attention to what Re-Thugs say anyway, but this was just posturing,talking points and a game of 'let's see what we can do to drag down Rick Perry, the frontrunner'. it was like a buncha hyenas trying to drag down an antelope, except this time I think the antelope got away and just made most of them look stupid.

RM: Especially Ron Paul.

WM: Yeah, hee hee hee! I wonder who his embalmer is?

RM: Well, that crack will certainly get the Paulistas sending me hate mail.Speaking of which, I think Perry's crack about feeling like the piñata at the party got a decent laugh and defused a lot of the attacks, especially by Romney. I don't think Governor Perry entirely put the Gardisil issue at rest though.

WM: You mean the one where he made vaccinations mandatory by executive order for twelve-year-old girls for HPV...and the stuff was made by Merck, who just happened to be the employer of his ex-chief of staff?

RM: Yeah,that's the one alright. Sounds almost like something Obama would do, doesn't it?

WM: Spin it Rob, spin it!

RM:Well doesn't it? Anyway, I think he had part of a good answer. He mentioned the opt out for parents and the thing about cervical cancer, and he says he should have handled it differently. I would have liked it better if he would have simply said he made a mistake, mentioned th eopt-out, emphasized that when it comes to parent's rights his record shows that this was a departure, not the norm and then turned it around on Mitt Romney judo-style: "Hey, I'm willing to admit I made a mistake on Gardisil.Is Governor Romney willing to admit, in front of all of us that he made a mistake on RomneyCare?"

WM: Ooooh, pretty slick! Speaking of norms, that was pretty far above your usual.

RM: Yeah, yeah, whatever. How do you think the Social Security question was handled?

WM: OK. All jokes aside I think Perry is kinda right, that there's going to have to be some changes for it to survive. That's common sense. But remember, we're not talking about common sense here but political sense. And what makes political sense is that Obama Yo' Mama and my Democrats are gonna hammer on this with every senior between St. Pete and Palm Springs,telling them the ReThugs wanna take away their Social Security.

RM: Sleazy,don't you think? It risks the entire program going under just to create a few taking points and sound bites.

WM: Yeah, but political gold, and they'll use it.Romney was smarter, he just said it needs to be 'reformed'. He probably means the same thing Perry does, but his handlers programmed him to say 'reformed' and it likely polls better.Trust me, I know these things.

RM: So what do you think of the GOP field so far?

WM: That's two questions, really. First, who's likely to get the nomination and two,can they beat Obama.

The ReThugs are as schizoid as a baboon attacking its own reflection in a swamp.On the one hand, with this economy, any reasonable GOP candidate stands a decent chance of sending Obama Yo'Mama and his bitter half packing next November, all things being equal.On the other hand the ReThugs base is the Tea Party and they're likely to pull Perry and Romney so far right in order to get the prize that they have trouble getting back to the center in the general.

Right now, I think Perry and Romney are the only ones who are realistically competing, with Michele Bachmann as a dark horse long shot. Perry make sense as the anti-Romney, somebody who's just enough of a right-winger to appeal to the party's crazy base while being just middle of the road enough to catch the independents.They might even end up on the same ticket, depending on who wins. Party unity and all that crap.

RM: Sarah Palin?

WM: When she's in, we'll discuss her. Right now, she's not.

RM: Speaking of VP picks...

WM: Let's not even go there. Although all things being equal, Marco Rubio is probably a strong bet.

RM: To get the Latino vote, you mean.

WM: Si Señor!

RM: Latinos aren't a monolithic group you know. Rubio's Cuban, and most Cubans already vote Republican. Rubio won't mean much to Mexicans in the southwest and California, but he could definitely have an effect in Florida.

WM: As usual, you overestimate the primates. Lots of them will just see a Spanish name and pull the lever.

RM: Last point... Weekend Monkey, you're a Democrat insider. In your opinion, is Obama going to be primaried?

WM: Hee hee hee! Let me say he deserves to be.##!#%@! And I know for a fact Shrillery would love nothing better than to shiv him and cackle while she did it. But the reality is that his numbers are going to have to fall some more before she makes a move know 'for the good of the party.' And she's not stupid..she saw what happened to her last time and will get commitments from the party bigwigs, the super delegates before she goes out on a limb. I also hear a lotta grumbling and howls from primates on the far Left of the tree, so it might not even be her that takes on Obama.

It absolutely kills me that Obama Yo'Mama is doing the same thing to my Democrats that Bushie boy did to the Rethugs in 2008. Talk about biting the rotten banana!

Weekend Monkey was a Democratic candidate for president in 2008 and is JoshuaPundit's political Guru. He can be contacted for speaking engagements and other interesting propositions at:

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Anonymous said...

Who is Weekend Monkey realy? Is it Bill Richardson? Maybe Chris Dodd?

louielouie said...

n, and as always, I watch these things so you don't have to.

oh my.
that means you'll be watching milli vanilli tonight then, don't it?
tooooo bad.

Rob said...

Either me or my designated hitter, Weekend Monkey ;)