Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Play The Obama State Of The Union Drinking Game!

I expect Obama's STFU..sorry, SOTU speech tonight to be one smelly load of horse manure, and I'll be digging in to that sorry mess later on so you won't have to.

However, for those of you who own high boots and feel compelled to watch the train-wreck as it happens, I suggest the following to pass the time and make it a little more fun:

Set out an assortment of your favorite libations on your coffee table (and please do this at home so you won't be driving) and get ready:

(Serious note: This is strictly for fun, and if you actually drank as much as you would if you followed these rules, it's probably stomach pumpin' time as my pal Weekend Monkey would tell you...if you survived, and you might not. Watch your intake, use your brain and drink responsibly!)

  • For every time Zero says 'Let me be clear" do one shot.

  • For every time Zero sayshope or hopeful do one shot.

  • If Obama says "Make no mistake" one shot.

  • For every time he says: 'the past eight years' or uses the phrase 'we inherited' one shot.

  • If a Haitian is seated next to Michelle Obama, shot time. Rum.

  • If Obama mentions 'health care reform' and vows to 'move it over the finish line' two shots, but you have to get them down without laughing and having the booze come back up your nose.

  • If Prez Zero tells a touching little sob story story of some poor unfortunate denied health care, one shot of Smirnoff. Two shots if they're actually in the audience.

  • If Obama starts defending Cap n' Tax and global warming, chug and then throw an empty beer can at the television.

  • If Slo-Joe Biden chuckles, smiles, talks inappropriately and pees in his pants like last time, one shot.

  • If Obama throws something at him, finish the bottle.

  • One sip every time Nancy Pelosi jumps up and down and claps her flippers.Three shots if she trips over herself and falls off the stage.

  • If the TOTUS (Teleprompter of the United States) breaks down in mid-speech, champagne toast or whatever else you have handy. With Hawaiian pineapple as a snack.

  • If Zero calls for Don't Ask, Don't Tell repeal, one shot, preferably something like Amaretto, a Pink Lady or Creme De Minthe.

  • If Obama signals he's going to go for 'comprehensive immigration reform' AKA La Amenestia,break out the tequilla or the mescal.

  • One shot with a beer chaser for every time Obama mentions 'working families' - by which he means union members, of course. If you do this every time he says 'middle class Americans' you'll likely be drunk in no time.

  • If he describes his fellow Americans using the words 'angry' or frustrated' one shot.

  • Likewise, every time Zero sneers and says" lobbyist", "big business" "fat cats' or "Wall Street" .

Of course, if you really want to get comatose,just do a shot every time Obama says 'I' or 'Me'. You'll be lucky to make it a third of the way through.

please helps me write more gooder!


louielouie said...

it's probably stomach pumpin' time as my pal Weekend Monkey would tell you

i'd like to tell monkey boy where he can stick that stomach pump......

as for that list of activities, that list just seemed to flow way too easy.
given my surroundings, that would also be very messy by the end of the speech.

Right Truth said...

That's what I said at Right Truth, take a drink every time he lies, or says "I" or "me".

Right Truth

Freedom Fighter said...

Yeah Deb, but if you took a drink every time he lies you'd have to do a shot whenever Obama's mouth was moving.

louielouie said...

i'm just assuming here that you didn't list a category regarding head swivels from teleprompter/telepromter is because there has not been a counting device yet invented that can achieve a number that high.