Monday, February 07, 2011

A Message From America's School Nutritionist-in-Chief

Via the wily Iowahawk. Here's a slice:

Kids your age often ask me what’s the best part about being President. Is it riding in motorcades or Air Force One? Playing basketball with my Secret Service agents? I don’t know about the other presidents, but for me the best part is what I’m doing right now – writing your weekly school lunch menu. I take my constitutional duties as America’s School Nutritionist-in-Chief very seriously, and it’s important to me that all of you get the healthy meals you’ll need to grow up strong and start paying your fair share.

For America to remain competitive in the future, kids like you will need to shape up and cut out the sugary soft drinks and junk food like chips, pizza, and Tater Tots. But a healthy lunchtime can also be delicious – and fun-ucational! This week’s menu theme is “Friends Around the World.” Every day we’ll be taking a “food-venture” to a different country around the globe, so fasten your seatbelts and bring your appetite!

Low fat Sweet & Sour chicken, steamed vegetables, whole grain rice, caffeine-free unsweetened tea

Did you guess Monday’s delicious & healthy mystery cuisine? That’s right! It’s Chinese, just like my good friend President Hu Jintao. Who? Hu, that’s who! He dropped by my house for dinner recently, where we talked about our many challenging debt problems – and how generations of American kids like you will be helping solve them. Remember to bring $5 for authentic chopsticks!

Hummus, falafel, tabouli, yogurt ayran

On Tuesday we say “open sesame” to the delicious healthy cuisine of our peace-loving friends in the Middle East. That exciting region has been in the news a lot recently, especially Egypt. This week we learned that ancient land is much more than just pyramids and mummies – it’s also a place where people get disappointed when they lose their internet connection. While you are enjoying lunch, talk with your friends about Egyptian current events. Who are the ‘good guys’? Who are the ‘bad guys’? What should I do? When you have an answer, write an essay and send it to me. You might win an all- expense-paid diplomacy trip with my State Department team!

Free range turkey taco salad, pinto beans, fresh salsa, naturally sweetened limeade

On “Miercoles,” let’s go “South of the ‘border’” for a fiesta with our amigos from Mexico! But remember – delicious spicy food isn’t the only thing America imports from our good neighbors next door. We also get natural resources, manufactured goods, specialty medicines… and millions and millions of new Americans! Mexican food is also popular in our southwestern border states like Arizona, where a crazed Republican gunman recently shot many people after listening to talk radio.

The rest of it here.

This is especially relevant in view of President Obama's Super Bowl party menu...none of that anti-obesity healthy eating stuff for him and his guests, thank you very much! As usual, that healthy eating stuff is for the Little People, you know.

please helps me write more gooder!

1 comment:

louielouie said...

i for one doubt the authenticity of this being iowahawk.
four days into the menu and not a mention of arugala?
and what about that fifth day?
with both parents out looking for work, who can prepare anything for their kids at home?
maybe bring home some left over fries?
walking through the lounge at the gym today, i saw mike wilbon being interviewed on espn about attending the presidential super bowl party.
i wonder who they got to remove the ejaculate from the camera lense after the interview.