Thursday, October 16, 2008

The Real Banana With Weekend Monkey: Sprinting Towards The Finish

FF: Once again,it's time to creep through the rancid political jungle with JoshuaPundit's own political guru and former Democratic Presidential Candidate, my pal Weekend Monkey.

WM: Hideyho, Primates! Whaddup, FF?

FF: Where the @!!##! have you been for the last month, Monkey? You're supposed to be JoshuaPundit's political guru..and why have you got Baby Monkey with you?

WM: Gruppstein had some stuff to do, so I'm monkeysitting, OK?...Look, I know I've been out of touch.

FF: We'll talk about it later.... trust me on that.

BM: Monkey dada dwunkee!


FF: I guess that tells me what you were up to for this past month. But for now, let's get to politics. How's the race shaping up?

WM: Well, to tell you the truth, I'm still not laying any serious money yet.

FF: That's a first for you.

WM: This is going to be a very close race. Gallup shows a two point spread, and Rasmussen has it down to four. As far as I'm concerned, both show me it's too close to call. But remember what I always tell you FF....

FF: National polls mean nothing. It's fifty separate elections.

WM: Exactly. And the way I see it, that's Obama's best shot. He's ahead in Iowa, a state Bush squeaked by with in 2004. And right now he's ahead in Colorado and New Mexico, two other states Dubbya won last time out. That's 22 electoral votes right there Kerry didn't have. If Obama holds on to Colorado and New Mexico, he pretty much wins it, even if McCain takes all the other states Bush got in 2004...and that assumes McCain can hold on to Virginia and Ohio, which ain't what I'd exactly call slam dunkers FF, especially Virginia.

Assuming McCain is able to hold on to Virginia and Ohio but loses both Colorado and New Mexico, the only way he can win is to get an upset win in someplace like Pennsylvania or Michigan. Not impossible, but kind of a stretch, especially the way Obama's been using ACORN and spending money.

FF: Or unless things go as you suggest and McCain takes New Hampshire. Then you've got a 269-269 electoral tie..

WM: Ouchie! I don't wanna even think about what might happen if that went down..

BM: Awtchie! Baby monkee boom boom!

FF: What's that smell?

WM: Excuse us a second (5 minute pause)..there that's better, all clean now. What the hell happens if there's a tie..aside from the bookies going bust?

FF: It's freaky, Monkey. According to the Constitution, the House picks the president and the Senate picks the Vice President, but Constitutional experts disagree on whether it's the incoming Congress or the present Congress that gets to the Supreme Court might have to rule on that. The Democrats are probably going to have a majority in the House either way, so they'd probably pick Obama, but the Senate's a different matter. Imagine if Joe Lieberman voted for Sarah Palin and Cheney broke the tie to make her vice president?

WM: Wahhht?? You gotta be kidding me! An Obama-Palin administration??

FF:It gets better.Let's say that the House stays deadlocked through Inauguration Day. The Vice President, either Palin or Biden, becomes president. Or try this on for size - if Congress remains deadlocked and neither a President or Vice President's been named, guess who takes over? The Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi!

Plus, we could count on a whole bunch of Florida 2000's...lawsuits all over the place. It might be a couple of years before the mess gets straightened out.

WM: Un-freaking believable..

FF:Hey, maybe we could elect Joe the Plumber as president pro tem until the guys in DC get their act together.

WM: Hee hee hee hee! Good one FF!

FF: Did you see the debate last night?

WM: Yeah, yeah..I thought McCain did alright, but it ain't gonna change much. I think you got a pretty good handle on's become a referendum on Obama, and it all depends on whether people trust him as president. If I was laying money now, I'd lay it on Obama, but I still don't know how well he's connected with the primates out there. I'll wait a little before I do any serious wagering.

FF: I can't disagree with you about McCain..he should have been doing this stuff in debate number one. But how about that Sarah Palin, hmm?

WM: Well, she's hot in kinda that naughty librarian way, but let's face it FF..vice president?

FF: Oh, you prefer a heavyweight like Biden?

WM: Alright already. The less said about that clown the better. It's just the vice presidency, after all.

FF: You and Obama had your differences during the campaign, and I don't think he's forgiven you for referring to him as Barak Yo' Mama on national television. But I see you're still supporting him.Are you doing any events for him?

WM: Not formally, no. But I am endorsing him. It's basically a party thing, and it's playing it safe, if you know what I mean. If he wins, he and his people'll control the Democratic Party...which is why Shrillery's doing the same thing. I'd say she and I have about the same chance of being part of an Obama administration, but y''s for the party.

FF: I'm surprised at you, Monkey. Here I thought you had integrity, but you turn out to be nothing but a party animal.

WM: To tell you the truth, FF, I've always been pretty much a party animal, if you know what I mean.

FF:Yeah, I understand. OK, I guess we'll get together right before the election and make our final predictions. And I want to remind everybody that you have an amazing record of being accurate on these things. Take care,Monkey..

WM: See you, FF..smell yah later, primates!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

the only thing amazing about monkey boy is ff continuing to even associate him.
i don't even want to think about who changes chimpy's diapers.
hey baboon boy, if you're such a political guru, why not address hussein's couple of prime time specials that fox has even agreed to move back the start of the world series for their portion, and discuss their implication at that late date in the campaign?