Hideyho, Primates! This week,the Real Banana comes to you live from Denver as I report from the Democratic National Convention, where myDonkeys have gathered to put their seal of approval on Obama Yo' Mama and Jo-Jo Biden as our official standard bearers.
And oh yeah, Shrillery's here too.
The festivities start tonight,and I'll be giving you the inside poop with exclusive coverage and interviews nobody else will have....I'm here and I'm all yours, peeples!
Denver can be kind of a weird town. For one thing, the altitude can make you crazy if you're drinking or indulging in any controlled substances...their effect is intensified so you can be bombed before you know it.
I dunno if anybody warned Teddy...hope so.
Anyway, I've been wandering around downtown,and to tell you the truth it looks like this part of town is under martial law or something.
Whole areas have been fenced and chained off, and there's a crazy police presence here all around the area of the Pepsi Center, where the big scene opens up tonight with ex-president Jimmy Carter, Nancy Pelosi, Teddy and Obama's bitter half,Michelle...I bet that speech is tightly scripted..and they may even have a plan to cut her microphone off if things get out of hand.
What's going on right now is that there is literally a banana boat load of protesters all around the downtown area. And all of the stars of protest are here..I've seen Ward Churchill, Cindy Sheehan and Cynthia McKinney, the Green Party candidate..she was a hoot, yakking about how global warming is a 'Zionist plot.'
There's a lot of pot smoke in the air as well, so the whole scene is #!!#! surreal.
Earlier today, the peace protesters roughed up a FOX news guy..he was claiming Cindy Sheehan came to his rescue,which is pretty funny in itself.I mean,imagine admitting that on national TV!
There's all sorts of weird rumors floating around...stuff like the protesters have a whole house stocked with urine to spray on the convention crowds,that there's going to be bomb threats, power outages, street blockades....I guess we'll see!
You never saw it on TV, but back in '04, Boston's Fleet Center set up an 'alternative convention' where these people could vent to their heart's content, and that was where the assorted commies and anarchists burned effigies, flags and did their thing. Denver tried the same thing this year,with a 47,000-square foot cage near the parking lot of the Pepsi Center with metal fences and concrete barriers surrounding it, but so far the protesters haven't been exactly availing themselves of the facilities, if you know what I mean.
Aside from the antics of the primate protesters, most of which will laundered by the networks so as not to embarrass my Democrats, another kool thing about this and every convention is the neat freebies you can get...like this John McCain condom:
And hey,hee hee hee, this one's lubricated...I dunno if it's ribbed or has any funny ticklers and stuff, since I haven't opened it yet. Ain't it great what Planned Parenthood does with your tax dollars, primates?
Anywhoo, I'm gonna wander around a bit, have a bite to eat and see what kind of shenanigans I can get into between now and the evenings' festivities. And keep checking back, because I have some exclusive interviews and other stuff planned..smell ya later, primates!