Wednesday, October 25, 2006

The Real Banana, by Weekend Monkey 10/24/06

Welcome, one and all to my very first column. As you know by now, me and ff had a sitdown, real friendly-like and agreed that I was due a little more recognition. Only fair. I'll still do my usual schtick on Fridays for ff, but this is MY space.

I'd also like to thank you for all the e-mails. Except the one from Steve in New York..Weekend Monkey don't swing that way - and especially not in that outfit. And as for the lecture offer from Purdue on inter-species relationships, my people will be in touch with you. Bananas are always welcome, but not an appropriate offer by themselves for my expertise. What were you thinking?

So let's see...what's the deal with this Barack Obama guy? Name sounds like he should be an extra in one of the Tarzan films...two years as a senator, he writes a book, does the Sunday shows, all of a sudden he's hotter than sliced qumquats. Sounds like people are starved for entertainment or something. Apparently he's considering running for president in 2008..if Hillary Clinton is running he'd better hire himself a food taster!

Somebody sent me these stories out of - where else?- Germany today. First, some moron motorist followed the command "Turn right now!" from his computer navigation system and crashed into a small roadside urinal. by the side of the road about 30 yards from where he was supposed to turn. Maybe the fact that the navigation system used Adolf's voice had something to do with it...achtung, baby!

And then there's this, also from Germany about a 70 year old geezer who beat the snot out of four German wanna-be muggers. The Master Race ain't what it used to be, that's for sure.

Speaking of disappointing, I just read that this year The King took a back seat to Nirvana's one time frontman Kurt Cobain as the top earning dead celebrity. Elvis has been the number one earning corpse for the last four years, but according to the British Daily Mirror he earned a measly £22.1million between 2005 and 2006, while Cobain raked in £26.3 million over the past year. Mmff. Looks like the most successful `hit' this Cobain guy had was the one he did on himself.

And speaking of which, what's all the hoo-hah over Madonna adopting an African kid? Do you have any idea how difficult it is to get decent help nowadays? At least he'll have a job.

AK writes from East Orange,NJ `Weekend Monkey, what makes you qualified to write a weekly column?' Hey AK, I did it because I could, just like Clinton. What's your excuse?

Speaking of Clinton, I'm thinking of putting together my own intern program. Send pictures.

Clint Eastwood's new flick, `Flags of our Fathers' is worth seeing. And no, I didn't get paid off to say that. Caveat: the Iwo Jima battle scenes are intense, even for a hardened monkey like me used to the Law of the Jungle, but it's still done very well.

OK, primates that's it for this week. Remember, send all letters, offers and free goodies to:


Anonymous said...

regarding the 70 year old who fought off his attackers. this is a common m/o. this happened in sweden:

in this instance the nationality of the attackers is not revealed. on followup, it was determined that they are of mid-eastern descent. surprise!!!! i'll bet the same thing with the german guy as well. so this is assimilation?

hey monkey, i got a poem for ya:

hey monkey boy,
your first column blows;
how did you write it,
with your fingers or toes?

whaddya think?

Freedom Fighter said...

Don't give up your day job.