President Obama'a Rosh Hashana Message...Translated

As a public service, I thought I'd translate President Obama's Rosh Hashana message to America's Jews so that his message could be more easily understood:

"I hope you Jews enjoy your holiday. I know the economy ain't so good, but I had nothing to do with that, I was out playing golf. Trust me, it was Bush's fault.Any way, let me guilt you to remember all the people who are more deserving than you are and to repent of your evil ways. Just remember that you're Democrats and we own you. I mean, you're not gonna vote for a bunch of right wing Christian tea party wackos, are you? Especially with this Ground Zero Mosque and all the Islamophobia going on. As nice white liberals, I know I can count on your guilt so y'all have to support the Mosque or be called racist.

To make sure that sinks in,I'm doing another High Holidays conference call with some of my favorite Lefty Rabbis to tell 'em what to say to you in their sermons so you remember to vote Democrat. Only this year, I don't want it leaking out so I had Axelrod tell 'em to keep their traps shut..no notes, no tweets, no recording, no interviews, no nothing. Remember, tikkun olam, fix the world..uh...where was that in the Torah again? Oh, it wasn't? #?#@!

Oh yeah, I pressured the Israelis and the Palestinians into peace talks even though neither of 'em wanted to come. Now the Palestinians already told me that they're not going to make any concessions to Israel at all, so it's up to you to support me and people like J Street in pressuring those stubborn Israelis to knuckle under and give the Arabs what they want..so there'll be peace, you see? Or at least something that looks like it for a couple of months.

OK, I guess that's it. Happy Holidays."

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