Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Weekend Monkey campaign staffer in altercation with illegal alien activists at L.A. rally!!

Todd Terwilliger, Weekend Monkey Advance man and driver

This just in.... Weekend Monkey presidential campaign staffer Todd Terwilliger was briefly arrested after an altercation with immigrant's rights activists here in Los Angeles.

According to our sources, several of the activists refused to move out of the path of an SUV leased by the campaign in downtown Los Angeles, after which Terwilliger left the vehicle and apparently asked them to move out of the road, and then reportedly assaulted them with a weapon described as `a burrito- like object'.

Terwilliger was briefly taken into custody but later released,while the activists were cited for obstructing traffic.

We briefly interviewed campaign spokesperson Linda Gruppstein on the matter:

Q: Ms. Gruppstein, can you describe what happened? Do you have a statement for us?

A: Well, yeah, like...uh...we had just been to Taco Bell and Todd was driving and these people wouldn't move and we really had to get to a hotel so that [Staffer Kurt] Beibersnatch could use the bathroom, so like....he [Terwilliger] went out to talk to them and they were like, gross or something, so I guess Todd decided that he had to move them or somethin'...

Q: Is it true he assaulted them with a burrito?

A: well, y'know..nobody saw nothin'...I was looking up at these killer patterns that were being formed by some of the leaves from those wei-ird looking ficus trees downtown and just watching how the light and the shadows reflected through them and everything have you ever looked at that it can really be...

Q: The police tell me that the activists were covered in what was described as a bean-like material?

A: Well, like, nobody was able to determine who threw what or who's burrito it actually might have been...there may have been more than one burrito from different sources, as far as anybody knows...

Q: Right. I understand that you have requested that the activists be booked for committing a hate crime?

A: Oh yeah, y'know they saw Weekend Monkey in the SUV and started making chimp noises and draggin' their knuckles on the ground and everything and saying bad things in Spanish. It was gross and insulting, and we want them prosecuted for nasty.

Q: Indeed. Is the candidate OK?

A: Well, he was upset, y'know? They wouldn't even let him in the debate in South Carolina, and now this happens..

Q: Perfectly understandable. Doesn't Monkey have any Secret Service protection? Have you thought of getting PETA involved?

A: Cool idea, maybe we could set up like, a rally or something! You want a bite of my taco?

Q: Ummm, thanks , but no. I appreciate you're taking the time to speak with us here at JoshuaPundit, Ms. Gruppstein.

A: Oh, cool, anytime ff...

Q: And please tell the candidate that we need to work on the piece we discussed about the debates when he feels up to it.

A: Awright, I 'll let Monkey know..

And America's Monkey continues to creep through the jungle that is politics...


Anonymous said...

hmmmm, monkey and creep in the same sentence. i bet that happens all the time.
all those questions to linda and nothing about a home phone, cell #, address, what she wears to sleep, what she's got on under that black sweater.
lotta good your interview skills are doing us ff!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

gee Louie...I thought campaign finance chairperson hooker was more your bunch of bananas!