Friday, May 18, 2007

Weekend Monkey on the Immigration controversy

I think it is time for some common sense on immigration reform.

As your president, I would take a comprehensive approach to this issue.

A banana rots from the top, and so does bad policy. The very first step we should take is to outsource our current high paid legislators who favor continuing to import exploited guest workers and replace them with congressmen guest workers who will work for lower wages and benefits at jobs that American congressmen are not doing.

Aside from saving millions in wages, staff expenses and benefits, the imported congressmen guest workers would likely take a more effective approach to guarding the border in order to protect their new jobs.

What's more, we can even extend that to the White house,with my election. Same difference, right? Only cheaper and more efficient.

I also think that the current proposals are limited in that they appear to only target illegal workers currently in America, with the idea of making them legal and subject to minimum wage laws.

That's no way to ensure continued cheap labor!

I recommend that the US create a program to bring monkeys and apes from around the world to America to work in the fast food, agriculture, construction, carwashes, gardening and house cleaning and similar industries.

Monkeys and apes can do these jobs cheaper and more efficiently than illegal aliens...they will practically work for peanuts. And there are thousands of my fellow primates who would jump at the chance to swing into the jungle that is America.

Monkeys and apes will pick your crops, wash your cars and clean your toilets. All they're asking for is an even break, a departure from the species-ist prejudices of the past.

After all, if we can create one set of special policies aimed at creating a low wage underclass and exploit their labor, why not another, especially when it saves us billions of dollars and keeps the price of labor down..wa-ay down! And think of the savings on education and health care.. most apes and monkeys do.. er... home schooling, as it were, and many diseases that afflict humans are not transferable from their fellow primates.

Rather than try to utilize an inefficient government bureaucracy to kick primates of one species out, we can concentrate on bringing in the kind of primates who will be a major boon to the economy, create new opportunities and let the marketplace sort the situation out.

This is a win-win scenario, and a major opportunity for America to experience real diversity. Plus it will create a new constituency for forward swinging politicians like myself.

And I ask you to join me in climbing to the treetops of America with bold new ideas for its future!



Anonymous said...

there should be a puncline to a joke of some kind .........
there are some jobs even a monkey won't do

it must be me, but monkey boy is starting to make sense.

Anonymous said...

I look forward to you working for change on my campaign, LouieLouie.I'm still not on the ballot in Oklahoma.

I'm glad you've changed your species-ist attitudes, and I appreciate your support.